I left Atlanta this past Monday, Jan 23rd.  The “yellow brick road” was a very wet one. Rained for the first 2 hours until I hit Birmingham, AL. Afterwards, smooth sailing into my first destination, Oxford, MS. Notes about Oxford: a quaint, clean town. Home to University of Mississippi or more commonly known as OLE MISS. Lots of red brick buildings (typical of the south) and a cute “historic”downtown square. For you readers out there, William Faulkner made Oxford his home as did John Grisham for many years. Surprisingly, I did not find the locals there to be all that friendly. Strange, I thought. I did find a good bookstore and a place for breakfast. The breakfast place is called Bottletree Bakery! Wonderful granola! I did go for a run there, but will share about the running in my weekly recap. 

Next stop: Little Rock, AR

I departed Oxford and headed west, then northwest to Little Rock, AR, bypassing Memphis. I chose this more northerly route because all the other times (3) I have been across country, I have traveled thru Texas and wanted to see some other states this time. Unfortunately, there was not a lot to see on this drive to Arkansas. I pulled into Little Rock late in the day and actually just ate dinner at my hotel. I wish I had something more exciting to tell you, but I don’t. I’ve been staying at Holiday Inn Express Hotels and so far, all have been pretty good places to stay. You know I am a coffee snob, so I have not had too much of the hotel coffee and the next morning, I went in search of a coffee shop in little rock. I actually wanted to serif I could find alternate places to Starbucks. I tried. I found a place and ordered a regular coffee. I hate to say it, but I left and had to chuck the coffee…yikes. Ok…where is nearest Starbucks…

..I found it! Ok…onward to Oklahoma City! 

More rain greeted me on this third day of my journey. Rained a good bit, but pulled in OKC with blue skies and sunshine.  I easily found the main downtown area and more specifically, the basketball arena. I had considered going to the NBA game that night, but then decided against it when I could not find a hotel room anywhere nearby! Bummerstay had to stay on the outskirts of town and saw a Mexican place within walking distance. I thought maybe this place would have good food and margaritas, but no…damn! Well, at least the meal was cheap…I am without a job, you know! 

I ran the next morning and then took off for East New Mexico. I mean no offense to anyone who lives in either OKC or Little Rock, but as I spent just a little bit of time there, I found both places to be rather dreary and depressing. Perhaps, it is because of winter. All I can say is that being there made me appreciate where I have lived (Atlanta) and where I am headed to next (SF)

From OKC, I headed west and then Southwest and stayed in a very small town called Santa Rosa, NM. I could have gone longer, but I am trying not to drive more than 6-7 hours a day. Beyond that, it just isn’t too much fun! I got a recommendation for dinner and margaritas from the hotel front desk clerk. Both the food and margaritas were better than my previous 2, but still far from what I am accustomed to….I guess I am becoming a margarita snob in additon to a coffee snob. OK. I can probably live with that….

I love the SouthWest. When you drive across it, it’s hard not to just continuously drop your jaw in disbelief over the beauty of the landscape. And the quiet….ahhh, it’s so amazingly quiet. One of the things I have noticed since I have been traveling is how my mind has just been quieter and quiter….the inner noise is virtually non-existent. It’s as if the driving has been my traveling meditation. Wonderfully peaceful. 2 weeks ago, my head was filled with so much stress, noise, worry….and it has all but simply fallen away….no doubt some of it will come back, because actually a certain amount of stress is good, but it’s nice to have the quiet for now, both internally and externally. 

I left early the next morning and headed towards Flagstaff, with a brief stop in Albuquerque. I thought I might stop and stay in Santa Fe or Taos, but as I got closer and closer, I was just now drawn to do so….I think I just want to get “home”. I stopped for a cappuccino and a couple of grocery items in Albuquerque and then kept truckin’ on to Flagstaff, AZ. And that is where I currently am, Flagstaff. Cool little town in Northern Arizona! Decided to stay 2 nights. Ran this morning and will catch up on the running posts tomorrow. Hope to get another run in tomorrow morning before heading to Las Vegas! 

I feel like I need to find a race to do soon. Even maybe just a 5 or 10k! Maybe I can find one wherever my travels take me to this weekend. I’m hoping to run quite a bit along this road trip.

Week 3: Approx total miles: 12

Stay strong, healthy and hungry for your dreams! ONWARD!

So, the Sunday run…I felt good first couple of miles which are the ones with the most hilly portions. I knew after about 2.5 miles that my pace had accelerated, but couldn’t tell how much. I was feeling good and happy and it was a gorgeous day and good running temperatures. As I approached the 40 minute mark, I knew from past runs approximately where I was in terms of mileage and I figured my pace was pretty good. I came to a short downhill section and sped up and then finished with a about another half-mile of a rolling section. That last section, I just turned it on a found a deeper gear. Lungs were stretching, thighs were burning, heart was pounding. End result = 5.2 miles @ 8:41 pace. BEST PACE IN A WHILE. HAPPY RUNNER!

2012 Week 2 – approx 13 miles

**Big things happening. Last day at my current employer/job is tomorrow, FRIDAY! Next Monday, I plan to leave Atlanta and make my way back home to San Francisco in my sporty BMW. Hope I don’t hit any snow. Everyone keep their phones handy for a 911 call from me!

As mentioned in previous posts, I have been running steadily, but low mileage. I’ve been enjoying it and for the most part, having more quality sessions. I want to keep up both, the quality and enjoyment.

I have not yet decided on any races for 2012, but I know I will NOT be running the Birmingham Half Marathon in February. I should be already moved to California by then, so that race is out. A bit of a bummer as I LOVE that race! (hmmmm, maybe I should try to find a race to run while I am driving cross country!)

My favorite runs this week were the 2 days of treadmill running on Jan 1st and 2nd. 5 miles each time at 9:14 pace, which is good for me right now. A good pace to start the year and only get better as i train to achieve my main near term goal of running a half marathon under 2 hours!

I’ve been running some of the same routes lately…especially one in particular…a route thru the Druid Hills neighborhood/Emory University. It’s beautiful, quiet with various small hills both up and down and it just plain fuels me!! I am soaking in all my moments. Taking it all in.

My last run of the week was just a short 3.5 miler on treadmill on Sunday.

Afterwards though, I did some weights/strength training and then saw another opportunity.
I love running stairs! When I run stairs, I usually run the ones in our stairwell post run outside. 6 good flights.
But, I saw these and figured, “why not?!”
So, I got some good repeats on these bad boys done as well.

Felt awesome. It’s one thing to push yourself, but can you push yourself when it seemingly doesn’t matter, when no one is around but you. Can you? Do it. Push yourself. Amaze yourself. Feel freaking awesome!

The Shoes I’ve been running in most lately are these:

THE KSWISS KWICKY BLADE-LIGHT. Awesome Shoe! An incredibly light shoe coming in a 8oz. I love the feel of it. It’s the lightest shoe I’ve ever run in. I thought the K-ONA’s were light at 9oz and this is even lighter and I can feel the difference. My foot feels snug and comfortable and I feel FAST. FASTER.
I wasn’t sure I would like the color when I looked at it on website, but when I put them on, I loved the color and the feel of shoe.

I have been exclusively doing my road running in K-SWISS shoes for about 2 years now and I can’t see any reason to stop. They make some good shoes.

2012 Week 1 – approx 23 miles

Hope YOUR 2012 has started off well. Onward. Let’s go.

I first came to Atlanta in 1999, July. Moved here from San Francisco, which always surprises people. WHY would you move from San Francisco to Atlanta? It’s not an easy thing to explain, but I will try….see if you can follow along.

I had been to Atlanta twice before moving and had spent time here and LOVED it. The landscape is unlike anything out west. A bounty of trees, so damn lush and gorgeous. Maybe like a drop dead gorgeous woman so that when you see her, you just stop and stare. Soak her in. That is the Atlanta landscape. (not so much in winter, but you get the picture)

Atlanta is enough Southern so that one does feel it, in a good way. The slower pace, the true Southern Ways. You know..people of all ages addressing one as “ma’am” and “sir”. I find it endearing. People are kind here…and yes, many Southern Charmers. And contrary to popular misconceptions, Atlanta is VERY metropolitan. Very. Even more so now than when i moved here in 1999.

So…that is a little of what DREW me to this Southern City. Looking back, I also believe I needed to leave the Bay Area, which is more accurate to say. I didn’t leave San Francisco. I left the Bay Area. I left the Bay Area that had had so many very difficult memories for me. Very difficult and very painful. If you know my story, you understand. One might say I was “running” away from them, but I don’t see it that way. I really view it as something I needed to do for me. I needed to leave the nest. Surprisingly, it was pretty easy to leave. I was excited for an entire new place, new opportunities and to see what I could do on my own. I am a firm and loud believer in wandering. I think more people should do it. You can discover a lot about yourself while wandering. I, was wandering…

Almost 13 years have now passed. Wow. In many ways, I feel like I really “grew up” here in Atlanta. Became an adult. Been very focused on my career and have enjoyed that process. My running has also truly accelerated here. I did my first BIG RACE in January 1999 (before moving) in San Francisco; The Home Depot Half-Marathon. My finish time was 2:01:43 — a record i am still trying to break! After that race, I was hooked and proceeded to run and run while living in Atlanta. Luckily for me, my living situation/income etc has allowed me to travel for many races. 13 years later. Still very much hooked on the running.

One of the biggest issues of my life has been a constant nagging feeling of feeling like i belong anywhere. I think maybe we all have one or two or three or…nagging issues, don’t we?? Well, this is mine. It’s been huge. It is constant and can be a real freakin’ downer. DOWNER!

Well…I realize that I have a part in perpetuating this feeling. Some of it is real and true and some of it is stuff I create. There are people who know me, who really know me. Who really love me. And I have chosen to be far away from them. Well, that will certainly help me feel like i don’t belong and not connected. Duh!

Throughout my years in Atlanta, I have been unhappy on a deeper, spiritual level. For whatever reason, I have not been able to create the kind of relationships or community that helps sustain me on the inside and I think we all need that as part of our life. I read back to journals from 3, 5 years ago and read where I question why i am still living in Atlanta. Obviously, living here for as long as I have, there have been reasons for me to stay. I have been fulfilled here it some ways, but ultimately, for me, it has been like a spiritual desert. Over these 13 years, I have traveled back to the Bay Area to visit friends and more and more, those visits have provided me with a shot of the best juice i could possibly give myself. And it hasn’t just been my friends…it’s been the place…the San Francisco Bay Area…the water, the culture, the diversity, the abundance of so many good things….I kept going back to visit to get INJECTIONS of all this good stuff. Each time I have been back, over the last 5 years especially, I appreciate the place more and more. There is truly no place like it. I’ve been around the country a few times, so i feel i can legitimacy say those words! Back in October/November, I was having one of the worst times of my life and where did I seek comfort and nourishment…back in the Bay Area with my friends, who are my family. This past year, 2011, I traveled to the Bay Area 4 times. I finally got the message.

Things in my work environment have changed and it’s definitely time for me to leave a situation. It definitely has had good points, but I think when one becomes quiet enough, the message is there in the quiet, inner space. My message has been to leave a situation that no longer suits me. A relationship at work that is no longer serving me. Sometimes, we just have to move on and that’s what it is for me. Time to move on.

So. Yes. I am going home. Finally going home. I’m excited and a bit nervous, but mostly excited. I’ve been thinking about this for a loooong time and finally have gotten the courage to take the leap. As mentioned, 2011 was a tough year. However, it was a spontaneous meeting by the water with a friend with a red rooster in my hand that helped catapult this decision. At that moment, my year changed and ultimately, the direction of my life.

With a deep breath, I look forward to 2012 and all of its challenges and opportunities and adventures. I hope you’ll follow me along the way.

Onward…

p.s. so much more to say, but will save for a later time

I was backed up at a stoplight and to my left, I noticed a young woman and little girl. They were attempting to cross the street, not at the cross walk, but in the middle. I was just watching them and hoping they would make it ok. THe young woman was carrying about 3 bags of groceries, plus a suitcase and she had her little girl. I kept watching and they made it across the street to the nearby bus stop, which i figured that was where they were headed. All within a matter of 1-3 minutes, I watched her and wondered what her life was like and where she was going. I thought, “maybe i should offer her a ride. no, don’t. that’s kinda weird. Is it? No, offer her a ride. What’s gonna happen? She doesn’t look like a killer.”

As they were at the bus stop, my car line began to move and i quickly turned into the nearest driveway. I hopped out and said,
“hey, how far you going?”
Her reply: “just down to the InTown Motel”
“ok, i know where that is. Can i give you a lift? Looks like you got a lot going on there.”
Smiling, she said, “yeah, thanks. We just missed the bus.”

I put the groceries in the trunk and her and little girl (almost 3 yrs old) got into front seat. I asked the little girl if she was ready for Christmas and Santa. Smiling big, she said, ‘yes.”

About a mile or so up the road, I pulled into the Motel and noticed the sign that says, “$149 per week.” Made me think even more about her life and such. A young gal and her tot just coming back “home” with hands full of groceries….

They got out of the car and thanked me.

***I don’t share this story for virtual “pats on the back”. I share this story because I hope to inspire and motivate all of us to notice. To notice the other people around us. We all get so consumed by our own lives…not a bad thing and we all do it. Part of being human. But, there are so many opportunities out there that if we noticed, we could make a big difference doing a small thing. Would it have been a big deal for her to wait for the bus and ride bus a mile down the road? No. But, it was the fact that I noticed and cared enough about another human being. Whether someone is struggling or not, it’s always such a wonderful thing for someone to SEE YOU and to CARE. I think we can all do more. be more. to our fellow human beings.
peace.***

Do we know the answers and are simply afraid and before we even know it, we say those 3 small words…3 small words that can sometimes trap you for days, years, a lifetime, even.
Obviously, deciding what to have for dinner is much easier than some other big life decisions. But, I do believe that many times, we use the “I don’t knows” as a cop out for making decisions and “going” for it. It’s easier. It’s a lot safer. And there is nothing wrong with either safety or ease…just important to stay conscious about why we sometimes are unable to make decisions. Fear can grab a hold of you and squeeze pretty tightly if you let it. Fear can mask itself as deep confusion, if you let it linger long enough.
Sometimes we are afraid to say what we want, out loud, to ourselves, to another person, to the world. We get hesitant and cautious. Sometimes, those are good signs,too, and definitely need to be paid attention to…but how do you know the difference?
Ah hell, I don’t know….

As you might recall, I had such a tough summer of training. No need to go into any further details since it has all been already documented here.

The Fall rolled around and I felt I barely made it to SF for the half marathon on my birthday in Sept. Then, I thought….I am going to rest. Just chill and take a break from the running for a while. Well, what is “awhile”?

In my mind, I thought I would try to not run at all for about a month. Well, that didn’t happen. I just couldn’t sit still. Plus, the Fall is such an awesome time to be outside. The temperatures cool, the humidity falls away and becomes nonexistent. How could I not want to be running in this weather?? And, I feel that FALL running sorta adds it’s own natural/organic inspiration. The scenery, the environment completely changes and it’s such a natural time of reflection and contemplation. The air seems fresher, cleaner and like I can breathe deeper. So, I’ve been taking deeper breaths as I am rounding the corners and crunching on leaves and feeling the Fall air on my arms, face, fingers.

I feel my legs moving more swiftly as I tackle the hills of the Atlanta neighborhoods. My legs feel lighter, my entire body feels lighter, even weightless at times. I face the hills and I am running up them with a quickness that has surprised me. I am getting to the tops with less effort than I remember from the past. Most of my runs have all beeen with negative splits, which feels awesome! Where has all this come from?
I’m sure part of it is the volume has come way down! Today, for the first time ever, I thought back to the summer training and do believe I ran a bunch of junk miles. JUNK MILES = miles just to get in miles thinking I needed more when in fact I didn’t. An important lesson.
I didnt know it then, but I can recognize it now and apply this to my future training.
Perhaps part of this “renaissance” I am experiencing is also due to the break in a specific goal or a specific race in mind. I think I needed the break from that kind of self inflicted pressure. Looking back to the first 6 months of the year as I tried to break 2 hours in the half marathon distance….I put a lot of pressure on myself to accomplish it. Came close, but failed. Then, immediately afterwards, signed up for the full marathon and summer training. More pressure. In the midst of all this self inflicted pressure was also dramatic changes in my work life that came with real external pressure. I think it all just got to me. Now, for the record, let me clarify: I actually like pressure. Like the challenge of it. However, like everything in life, there is a limit and I definitely bumped up against mine. And obviously, I like goals and setting them, etc…. I just needed a break from them since I had a specific running goal for about 9 months.

So, since my last race in Sept, I have been running, but without any specific goal. As of today, there is no race on my calendar. In the last month or so, I have not gone any distance over 6 miles. The coolest part about all this is that I am running FASTER without much extra effort. In fact, I feel like I have NOT focused on effort much at all. Just going out running…I have felt loose, free, light and my mind feels quieter while on the roads.

So, yes. I feel a renewal. See ya on the roads. Lace ‘em up!

Saturday morning, I dragged Alec out. I stayed at his place in SF, and after morning coffee, we went and parked near Kezar Stadium/Golden Gate Park. I wanted to run in the park and end the run in the stadium. We got out of car and went on our separate ways. Alec said he would just walk since he had not run since the 10k in Half Moon Bay on 9/25. I went on my way through GG park. It was a beautiful morning and lots of runners were out taking advantage of such a gorgeous place. I miss running there…such a gorgeous oasis. After 3.25 miles, I was back at Kezar. Another one of my favorite places to run. An open stadium that always inspires and challenges me. Pushes me harder. I decided to run 10 minutes of all stairs. Ran one side of the stadium and then the other side. Then, back to the 1st side one more time. Legs were pushed! Heart was beating fast. Loved it! THAT is my juice. Absolutely.
Oh, before I started at the stadium, I saw Alec. He was running. Yep. Mr. “i’ll just walk” was running and he seemed to be having a good time. yep. Mr. “why do we have to go” was having fun! Alec snapped these pictures. A great start to our Saturday.

Sunday morning, we were in Petaluma. I snuck out early for a run with a friend over at Shollenberger Park. It’s an awesome 2 mile flat loop around a marsh. Such a quiet, beautiful morning. I was a little hesitant to meet there…thinking maybe I wanted to just run through the quiet, quaint streets of Petaluma, but it ended up being perfect. We ran mostly together for the first loop. I hadn’t run with anyone in a long time and it was fun. Fun to talk and then just be quiet and only hear our feet as they made crunchy sounds on the path below us and our steady breathing as runners doing our thing. Awesome. I went for a second loop alone and enjoyed that as well. We sat for a few minutes afterwards and just watched the nature around us. I needed to just sit for a few. To be reminded of the simple. the steady. the things in nature that JUST ARE. There is no judgement, no stress. Just existence. Simply beautiful. We even saw a hawk.
I was able to go for one more run Monday afternoon. I ran from Holly’s place and took a round about way into downtown Petaluma. I do love running there. Streets are so quiet, pretty, not much traffic. Had a little bit of downhill to start and so i knew i’d have some uphill on way back. By the time this run came around, my body was tired. Had gotten little sleep on trip and had drank some. Not much, but back to back nights of drinking + no sleep = tired body. I thought of ending the run at the BOTTOM of the .5 mile hill back up to Holly’s house. Then, I thought of how absolutely wimpy that would be, so I put my head down and pumped the legs and my arms. The first 3/4 of the hill is a good gradual uphill that keep increasing in steepness. Then, there’s a turn and the last 1/4 of the hill is just brutal. Nothing but a lung bursting, quad busting, heart burning kind of hill. An awesome way to finish.

In between great visits with friends, I took a stroll along one of my old favorite neighborhoods in Santa Rosa. I wanted to see if the Gingko leaves had fallen yet. Most of the trees were still full. I was slightly bummed.

Not nearly enough leaves for me to shuffle through…..

I also had some coffee while I was away. And, I hate to admit it, but I cheated on Peet’s more than once. I did have Peet’s in SF, but when we went to Petaluma, I ventured out. I have a few reasons for this; the Peet’s in Petaluma is probably one of the ONLY locations I do not like. The place does not have good energy and it is not comfortable to sit there. A big bummer! Also, i had heard about a new coffee place right in downtown called Acre. So, of course, i had to go and see what the hoopla was about and see if it met my particular standards. HA.

So. What was the verdict of Acre? Loved it. It has light wood colors inside and feels soft. The music playing all 3 times I was there was on the quieter side. They have ample seating, even one long “family style” table. Each individual table has a little lamp. Get this? There is a typewriter. Yes, an honest to god old typewriter that anyone can use. Pretty cool. I even used it. So, I give it an A on the Atmosphere.
The coffee? My first taste was a purchased for me small cappuccino. It was the perfect size and very good. Not too much milk, which is as it should be. My second taste was regular coffee. It was good, not as strong as I usually prefer, but still a good cup of java.
I went back on another day for another cappuccino because I wanted it in a “for here” mug. For some reason, it was not as good as the day before, so that was kinda disappointing. Maybe it was me and my taste buds or maybe some inconsistency. Guess I will just have to keep going back.

Today, I ran for 1st time in 6 days. Hadn’t run since last Monday due to the traveling back to ATL, catching up, and then feeling sick since Friday morning. Ran 4 miles today even though still a lil sick. But, what is it that they say?
Oh yeah, “in sickness and in health”

Keep Movin’

ATTACHMENT (defined): a feeling that binds one to a person, thing, cause, ideal or the like.

Why do we get so attached to things or ideas or causes? Why does it feel so torturous when the “string” is cut, so to speak? Sure, it’s super easy to just keep thinking, “just let go, just let go”, but when you feel like the thing or ideal is as much a part of you as your arm or leg, it’s hard to “let go.”
When the “string is cut”, it DOES feel like the rug has been pulled out from underneath and of course, all hell breaks loose inside. No one likes that feeling. Of course, Pema Chodron, the great buddhist nun author has a field day with the whole rug thing:
“Everything is changing all the time and we keep wanting to pin it down. to fix it. So whenever you come up with a solid conclusion, let the rug be pulled out. You can pull out your own rug and you can also let life pull it out for you. Having the rug pulled out from under you is a big opportunity to change your DNA. One way to pull out your own rug is by letting go, lightening up, being more gentle and not making such a big deal.”

Whew. Gosh, why does it sound so easy?

And then there’s this whole thing about Autonomy!
Autonomy (defined): Independence or Freedom

Well, that’s been me in a nutshell. If you ask anyone in my life to describe me, INDEPENDENT, is most likely a word that would come up. I didn’t just get that way last year or 5 years ago. I have been that way my ENTIRE life. First by circumstances and then buy choice.

If you see a wild and free animal out and about doing their thing and then all of a sudden, they become captured and are forced to live in a cage, you can probably guess that said animal is not happy. Might become angry, might “fight” against and with their captors. And then who knows, all hell might break loose. Makes perfect sense. For the first time, I finally get what all the hoopla is about regarding endangered species. I do. I understand. More than I want to.

And then there is this thing about CONTROL! So, I guess I have discovered how much of a control freak I can be. Let me just say I have NEVER EVER described myself as such in the past. But, the events of the past month or so have shined the light so ever brightly on this oh-so-endearing characteristic that I was nearly blinded. In fact, I may have been blinded for a few hours due to the stinging “headlight” in my face. As I think about autonomy and control, i can’t help but wonder if the two go hand in hand. Are independent people more controlling than others? Hmmm…

So, Controlling+Autonomy+Attachment is what I am wrestling with. The bight lights, the full length mirror are in my face, following me around. I need to be the humble student, but it’s not easy.

You know…I’ve actually prided myself all along on being very good with attachment stuff…HA. Who knew that my work was not attachment to a person but to a thing, a process, an ideal…

(THUMP) Did you hear that? That was my ass hitting the ground as the rug just got pulled out from under me.