I am not a half-asser

One of the things my mom taught me was not to do anything half-ass. Nothing used to bother her more than giving any of us a chore to do and see us do it half-ass. Better not to do it at all, she would say. AMEN!
I am not a half-asser, people. I don’t do things half-ass. Sometimes, this is a double-edged sword because the intensity causes me to be so self-critical. It’s not about perfection…its about KNOWING inside that I did my best. today. That I WAS my best. today. Nothing bothers ME more than knowing I am not giving all i can…not doing the best I can. I just cannot live that way…half-ass. I don’t do my job like that. I don’t love like that. Hell, I don’t even LIKE like that. I am full in. I don’t get into relationships because I am lonely or cannot stand to be alone…I will be there because I am truly there and ready to LIVE in the experience, not just hang out and pass time together. At work today, I felt like I was in a tunnel, so focused and unwavering in what I needed to do. And today, that was good. I was all the way IN. And if you have followed my musings, you will know i don’t “exercise” in the half-ass world either. I don’t just put on some clothes and take a jog around the block when the weather is good. Give it to me. Give me the ice storms and the cold and the pounding rain; give me the blinding heat and the torturous humidity. Half-Ass living is not living in my book. It’s sort of like cheating, isn’t it? I don’t know about you but i cannot be happy with a half-ass effort. A half-ass job done.

Also, If you have been around, you might be familiar with a quote I know i have shared more than once.

“i want to be thoroughly used up when i die” (G.B. Shaw)

yes, that’s it. that is my point. i want my body, my mind, my heart and soul to be so thoroughly used up at the end of each day and at the end of my life. i want there to be nothing left. when my body turns to ashes and is swept out to sea, that will be all.

“The sufi opens his hands to the universe
and gives away each instant, free.
Unlike someone who begs on the street for money to survive
a dervish begs to give you his life.” – Rumi