here it is and it ain’t pretty…

man, what a freaking rough week! as i sit here at 5pmish on friday, i feel like my head is going to explode. or maybe I wish it could explode so it could just be blank and then maybe start over. i guess i will just hope for a new day instead of a head exploding…

i’m just in a rough patch. rough all around and i find little relief anywhere. even in running lately. i mean, you know it’s rough when  you go to one of your favorite places and you don’t even get very excited. right? the other day, i slogged through about 45 min worth of traffic just to go pop in my favorite running shoe store after work. I am usually SO happy to be there, see the folks i know and chat it up a bit and look at all the cool stuff before beginning my run from their locale. Not this time. I barely got a few words out and a half-smile. How sad was that!! I definitely noticed it…my utter lack of enthusiasm. I attribute it to fatigue and being overwhelmed with work. I don’t feel as what i am saying is in the spirit of complaint as much as it is frustration and more frustration. Over not creating more balance. Over some things which are way beyond my control. Over the stark realizations that i have no true support here (with the full knowledge that i am the one responsible) 

I’m frustrated that my body feels totally out of whack and I cannot seem to get “on track”. I’m frustrated i don’t know what to do with the new place i live in and so i do nothing. 

I’m frustrated I want to do a mutli-day race but don’t know anyone with the desire, money, or most importantly, a person who would be a good teammate for such an adventure. 

Today, at work, a bunch of us had to change office locations to different areas of our floor. It sucked. I don’t like my new spot at all and I was in a shitty mood all day. I felt totally out of whack the entire day and I did nothing that felt good or productive and THAT SUCKS. 

(it feels good to write about this)

I know there are a zillion things to feel grateful for and blessed and lucky and all that….and I will get back to remembering all that….it’s just right now things feel rough. I feel battered around and a drain on my energy. SO. i HAVE GO TO FIND ways to replenish. I know. I have to find ways for better self-care. And I will. Today, I think i hit the wall, ya know. 

Right now, I am doing something good: Sitting at a favorite coffee shop w/ a good cappuccino and not looking beyond this time right now. 

Today and the rest of the weekend appear to bring beautiful weather. getting to 80 on Saturday. I had thoughts of entering either a 10k or Half-Marathon race for tomorrow, but both online registrations are closed and no race day registrations.  We’ll see what I end up doing.  I want to be out and enjoying the great weather. 

Have a good weekend everyone.