recollection

My eyelids barely open. they keep fluttering between slightly opening and closing, i hear voices telling me things, then asking me to answer questions. i can barely comprehend. bright lights surround me. and wires, tubes, cords. what the hell are these things on my stomach? they look like bugs. dead ants or something all in a creepy pattern on my body. they aren’t moving. are they dead? where am i?

you are in the hospital. you are at children’s hospital. you’ve been in a car accident.

i’m assessing my body and taking it all in. slowly. the tubes up my nose, coming out of my left lung; in my arms; my legs suspended in the air in some weird contraption and whatever the heck is on my stomach.

some doctors come in and tell me they are going to do something to my left arm. next thing i know, they are drilling what looks to be a nail into my elbow. i feel nothing. i am so doped up. moments later, my left arm is also suspended in the air. three limbs now suspended in the air, in traction, they called in. my young little brain is spinning, trying to understand what has happened. how weird it is to be surrounded by strangers doing weird things to my body.

where is my family? here comes Father Mangini from St. Leanders Church. What is he doing here. That’s weird. Ah, here’s my brother, Joe. Where is mom? Oh, she is probably getting something for me at the gift shop.
Father Mangini and Joe came over to my bedside. On my left side. I asked, “where’s mom?”
Our priest said, “your mom died.”
“Oh no”, I said as I turned my head away to my right side.

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One Response to “recollection”

  1. Tears. But have tears of joy knowing how far you have come. Beautifully captured. Never forgotten. She would be so proud of the woman you have become.

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