Archive for February, 2012

Softly Speaking

Posted in motivation, photos, random, travel with tags , , , , , , , , on February 29, 2012 by afuntanilla

Sitting in the oversized chair in this quaint, cozy asian-style inspired decorated room…I look out one of the windows and my eyes are dancing at the sight….
The mountain just over yonder is caked with snow. The Ashland, Oregon area was blessed with snow last night. Not a lot, but enough to make the mountain beautiful, to soften the sounds and to add an element of reflection.

I need this. This time to just be. This moment. Who are we without reflection?
I need this wintry weather to help ground and still me. The me inside. To help dim the inner chatter and truly SEE and GET this significant time of my life. (but, isn’t it all significant?!)

I see that I have been brave and will continue to need to be to pursue my dreams. I see that I took big leaps of faith in myself. I GET that this time can also be a scary one. Scary > Exciting > Scary > Exciting > Two sides of the same coin.

I left a nest where I was challenged, but perhaps more protected than challenged. I allowed myself to be held back…and held back I was. Sometimes, we need protection in order to grow. We need a big warm coat to keep us warm before we get comfortable enough to shed the cloth, feel a bit of a chill, and keep moving forward.

With so many situations in our lives, there comes a point where the situation, the relationship, etc…NO LONGER SERVES YOU. These are the crucial moments in ones life, I think. To pay attention to those signals, those signs…that give you that gut feeling that the time has come. Time for you to “go”. Time to be bigger. Time for change. Sometimes, it might be radical change. Radical Change > Radical Growth. If you miss those opportunities and stay in situations that no longer serve you, I believe that is the most damage to ones SELF can occur. Ones soul and spirit might suffer dramatically if one stays beyond the time “limit.” And I think we know that inside, don’t we… When we stay too long? Inside, we know. Even then, it’s so important not to judge ourselves, but to approach ourselves with compassion, gentleness, love. We all have those moments.

I have been on some skinny branches and I think I might be venturing out onto some even skinner branches….YIKES! But, I am ready. It doesn’t mean I am not scared…because I AM SCARED. But, my drive and my desire is stronger than my fear.

And when I was being protected, I felt like I had to claw, scratch and scream sometimes to be heard. Even then, it was sometimes not enough. I don’t want that experience anymore. I don’t need to fight so hard to be heard. My independence will give me that…

We are all on our own road…with all the potholes, smoothness, wide and narrow stretches. We are all driving at different speeds, with different levels of comfort as we try to get to where we are going. Compassion.

And yet, some things are universal to us all. Life sometimes asks things of you. Your soul & spirit will ask, often DEMAND, things of you. And we have all these things inside us. We just need to step up.
When the time is needed, I hope we all can be
Brave, driven, dedicated, visionary, courageous, humble, gracious and determined.

Your strength lies within you. Believe it.

Onward.

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Week 8 Run Report

Posted in motivation, road with tags , , , , , , , , , on February 27, 2012 by afuntanilla

I spoke a little too soon last week. I ended up being not entirely better. ugh. damn lingering sickness.

Week 8 started off with a tougher than expected 4.25 mile run in and around downtown Mill Valley. I wanted to get out of Petaluma for a bit and so I went down south about 40 minutes away. I love the scenery of Mill Valley; the towering redwood, eucalyptus tress lining the streets, shielding me from the sun. Love just running there and taking deep breaths, taking it all in. AHHHH….
Unfortunately, I did not stay long afterwards. I drove around in some of the neighborhoods for a few minutes, but then quickly left. I toyed around with the idea at getting lunch at the Bookstore Depot Cafe, but after standing in line for a bit, I just left. Why? Because as awesome and aesthetically pleasing is Mill Valley, visiting there just feels off. It’s such a little tucked away nest, a beautiful little oasis, and the PEOPLE there have an aura of supremacy and protectionism. They behave as though they KNOW you are a visitor and the energy is not friendly and welcoming. So, yes, it’s pretty snobby and of course, i cannot stand it. I feel like it has gotten much worse over the years. Even going into the Peets Coffee there feels like I am going into sacred territory that is only designed for the residents of M.V. Ugh. Not a good feeling. I know I am not alone in my feelings and descriptions as I have spoken to friends about their experiences as well and they have similar stories….Oh well….Moving on…
At least I got a good run in. 🙂

I was not so fortunate the next few days. Monday evening, I started feeling achy and tired and basically didn’t do much for the next few days. I DID go into San Rafael and sign an offer letter for a new job, but that was the extent of my outings mid week. I’m excited about new job, but I’m still awaiting results of the background check before I am officially “in”. So, as of right now, Monday 10:45am, I am not yet official and I don’t have a start date. There should be no reason for me to NOT pass the background check, but I still must be patient and go thru the process.
Friday I took a stab at running again and just do a quick 30 min run. I could feel I was not 100%, but it also felt great to move my body.
Saturday, I went on a long walk with my friend, Holly. We walked about 1.5 hours from her house, into downtown, and back again. Approx 5 miles. Again, felt great to MOVE my body. Didn’t do much for rest of day. Took advantage of some alone time and did an lot of reading.
Saturday night I went to sleep with the full intention of going for a longer run in the morning. Waking up, I was thankful to be feeling much better. I went downtown to Peets and came back to the house and read, spent some morning quiet time. Ate 2 small/mini Clif Bars and was soon on my way. Wandered all around downtown Petaluma and beyond on a beautiful, quiet Sunday and ended up running 7.6 miles. Very, very satisfied with this run! Looked back at my running journal and realize I had not run over 7 miles since last (early) October. I think I am ready to RAMP IT UP!

After running & grabbing a snack, I went to play TENNIS!! First time in about 7 years and I’ve only played about 10 times total. Went with Sharon, who plays regularly, and we played for about 1.5 hours. Felt awesome, even though I am not a very good player. YET! Gonna work on it and have fun! 🙂

Week 8: Total approx miles: 15

for today, everyday

Posted in motivation, quotes with tags , on February 26, 2012 by afuntanilla

Have the vision to dream.
Have the courage to recover from adversity and
the determination never to be shifted from your goals.

-Kieren Perkins

Week 7 Run Report

Posted in motivation, races, road with tags , , , , , on February 21, 2012 by afuntanilla

Week 7 had me continuing to feel some effects of sickness, but it’s gone now as I head into Week 8.
Sill, I was able to get in 3 running days. I ran Tuesday and Wednesday in Petaluma. 4 miles and then 4.7 miles. I’ve mostly been running the same loop with some slight variations. The route starts in quiet neighborhoods and at midpoint is downtown amidst all the cute little shops. Then, I wind through more neighborhoods back to the starting point. Most of the route is flat, only a few small hills along the way. Petaluma is actually not very big. I know when I start getting into higher mileage, I will literally be running all over the town and will have seen everything.

My last run of the week was a 6.10 miler on Sunday. I incorporated 3 good hills into the first 2 miles and it was flat from thereon. A good run. On purpose, I ran without the iPod…just wanted to be with the morning and listen to the natural sounds around me.

Should be getting a job soon and can then look at whether or not I can logistically run the Hollywood Half Marathon in April. I hope so!

Week 7: Total approx mileage 14.7

Going without this and that…

Posted in random with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 21, 2012 by afuntanilla

If you are a long time reader of this blog, you will know that I frequently go through periods of giving things up for a certain amount of time. Most of the time, it has something to do with food or drink or both. Well, sometime in the recent past, I came along a blog where the woman gave up something each month of 2011 and I thought that was a neat idea. I’ve adopted it for 2012. The idea behind it is to pick something more difficult each month.

I like the idea of “going without or being without” for a period of time. I like the idea of changing my patterns and getting away from filling my immediate wants and/or needs. Invariably, the going without will render a good learning or two…if one is to pay attention.

What have I done so far?

Well, for JANUARY 2012, I gave up eating bagels. I am generally not a huge bagel eater, but during the month of December, I found myself eating about 4 a week. Always with Peanut Butter. Why? Cause it was 1) damn good 2) convenient to work 3) warm, yummy food in the cold winter mornings of Atlanta

The first few days of January were tough…getting used to NOT having the Bagel be an option. Most of the month my breakfast food consisted of yogurt and granola. I was glad to get away from the heaviness of the processed bagel. And happy to have a new replacement in some yummy greek Chobani yogurt. I tried for the first time in October at a friends place and loved it! All natural, non-fat and has 16g of protein per serving. I love mixing this with granola from 1) Alon’s Bakery in Atlanta or 2) Blue Bottle Coffee in SF. Blue Bottle makes some of the best granola I have ever tasted.

On the days, I didn’t have granola/yogurt, I opted for a banana and some raw almonds. By mid month, my bagel cravings and thoughts had vanished! In fact, I have not had a bagel since. Just haven’t had the craving or desire.

FEBRUARY 2012 — I chose to go without CAPPUCCINOS for the month of February. Again, if you are a follower of this blog or follow me on twitter you will know I love a good cappuccino and have one in the afternoons about 5 days a week. I have regular coffee in the morning and usually a cappuccino in the afternoon. I like the afternoon boost, love the taste and delight in sitting at a cafe late in the day for a good cup. Even if I have to take it ‘to go’. I like the ritual. And, HOW can you NOT love it simply for aesthetic purposes?

We are now on Feb 20th…9 more days til I can have one again. I will say this: going without Cappuccinos has been more DIFFICULT than the bagels. Been having some serious cravings and came close to giving in last week in route to Lake Tahoe…but, I stuck with it. Doesn’t it matter more when you REALLY have the craving and RESIST? That’s the point!! So, what have I had in place of afternoon Cappuccinos? Coffee. Just regular coffee. I figure I am also saving at least $1.50 each time I have coffee instead of cappuccino. That’s at least a savings of $7.50 per week and $30 for the month. Hey, $30 bucks is $30 bucks. I’m saving money and going without one of my truly favorite things; one of my favorite delights.

I believe come March 1st, I will truly appreciate the Cappuccino back in my hand…

If you’d like to tag-along and give something up for March, let me know. We can be blog-supporters. I already know what I’m going without for March and it has nothing to do with food or drink. Stay Tuned.

Cheers!

Week 6 Run Report

Posted in motivation, races, road with tags , , , , , , on February 19, 2012 by afuntanilla

Week 6 of running: hmmm…not so much running, as it turns out. I had been going non-stop since I got back to california and on Tuesday, Feb 7th, I was in the East Bay for an interview, the day before, I went for an good fast run in at the San Leandro Marina. Great memories there from Sept 2010 when I ran my 40 miles for my 40th birthday! Run felt great but then the next morning, as I was driving back to Petaluma after interview, I felt a sore throat coming on. And man, it came on strong! Full blown sore throat on Wednesday night. Felt better next day by midday; sore throat gone, but felt some other things coming on…achy, headache, etc…
Each day I woke up and could still feel something lingering. Tried to rest, but very difficult for me. So, I rested in between visiting with friends and applying for jobs. I felt good enough for a very solid 6 mile run on Saturday!
So, I oly ran 2 days for Week 6. Wish I could have run more and in hindsight maybe should nt have run at all cause I am still not 100%, but like I mentioned very hard for me to rest for days! I think I am now almost 100%!
I was looking at upcoming races and the Hollywood Half has peaked my interest! Early April! Will keep you posted on decision…

Until then, Onward!

Week 6: total approx miles 9.10

A part of me

Posted in random with tags , , , , , , on February 16, 2012 by afuntanilla

Everything is familiar. Everything is new. I am new. I am not the same. I am the same. Same in my core. ANGIE. I am the same. I am different. I grew. I grew up. I got big.

On Wednesday, February 1st, I made my final cross country drive into the SF Bay Area. I passed town after town and recalled some memories of the places I had passed. I noticed how some places hadn’t changed at all and others, drastically so. Some needed, some not. Needed.

I knew when I woke up where I wanted to go first. Where I NEEDED to go. First.
I had to go see a couple of crazy ladies and say hello.
Mom and grandma. I hadn’t been to see them in quite a while. Grandma died in 2000, but I was not able to get her name on the stone for a long time, so this was my first time seeing the stone with her name added. I walked around, found their spot, stood there, and smiled while tears welled in my eyes.
I instinctively raised my arms wide and said these words: “I’m back. I grew up. I got big. I got bigger.”
The sun was shining on my cheeks and I felt comforted. In the sea of the departed, beauty surrounded and engulfed me. I felt tall. Taller.
I smiled and squated so I could lean over and try to clear some debris from the headstone. My fingers brushing on and over the perfect etchings of their names, dates of birth. Death. Every letter so perfectly aligned. Neat. Tidy. Exact. So un-like life. Ironic.
I sat with the wonderful quiet that falls over Holy Sepulchure and gazed in silence. Then, I stood up and looked at my loved ones. “I want you to know I have people in my life who love and care about me. And I am ok. I think you would be proud of me. The person I have become.”
I left a piece of me, for them, and slowy walked away. Feeling full.