Can I

Can I do it?

Do I have enough time?

Is my body capable?

Am I capable?

Can I do it?

XLV

Races, Data…

I ran another short race this past Sunday. A very short 5 miler in the town where I live. I love traveling for races, but it was actually nice to have zero stress about anything related to logistics…nice to run something local for fun and the money all went to one of the local high school’s track programs.

It was an interesting choice for me in that I really didn’t like the course. It is almost entirely run on a narrow path around a marsh and then a park. The marsh part of the path is fine, with packed dirt, but the park part is all on loose gravel. This might just be my LEAST favorite type of surface to run on…I just don’t feel like I get an traction with each step. It’s a peaceful, beautiful path…and nice to walk, but for me, the running on it is just not idea.

However, I sucked it up and signed up…for fun and to test my “speed.”

It was a nice, cool morning. Good enough for shorts and my long sleeve Under Armour technical shirt. I was also pretty happy to be sportin my new ON-RUNNING kicks! These are super cool shoes, my 2nd pair by the company. I will write more on them later. A good gathering of the local peeps and at 8:30am, off we went on our Sunday Test.

I thought I would do no better than 45 minutes, actually. 9:00 pace. I was excited and ready to see what was possible. I had no water, no music. nothing. felt so free. Except for the fact that I really needed some water and the 1st place to get it was not until 3 mile mark. I am just one of those people who need water at least 1x/mile, especially if I am pushing it, which I was. We went though parking lots, over to the marsh and then onto the loose rock path. 1st mile was 8:27 but it didn’t feel that fast so I wasn’t too worried about the pace, but i also didn’t want to have a severe drop off come mile 4. Mile 2 was a bit slower, about 8:45 pace. I would have liked to have had my heart rate info, but something is not working with it. I even bought a new battery and it still is not synching with my Suunto watch…so no HR info for now. Anyways, by now I was really looking for the water stops and it wasn’t until another mile. I grabbed some and walked a few steps. Mile 3 was about 9:15. Got more water around mile 4 so that slowed me a bit too, 9:12. I guess this last mile I just took off because the data show mile 5 at 8:10 pace. Wow. Didn’t really know that til looking at my watch stats. Pretty cool. I can tell you I was not smiling as I ran that last mile, especially the last 1/2 mile. I was pushing hard and even as I crossed the finish line, no smiles. Painful.

THEN, the smiles came! WOOT WOOT! Very happy with this result and even came in 4th place in my age group.

 

So, I think it’s important to give some data on the race stats to give some perspective to the result. Of course, I’m happy. but i also realize the TOTAL number of runners at a race like this is NOT HUGE.  Then again, 4th is 4th. 🙂

Here’s the breakdown:

Age Group: F 40-44.  40 runners.  4th place

All Females: 259 total / me  27th place

All Runners: 394 total / me  101st place

I also want to share the stat breakdown from the Portland 15k race I did a month ago.

Age Group: F 40-44  681 runners. 163rd place

All Females: 4518 total; me  1126th

All Runners: 8826 total; me  3507th

 

Before I started running marathons in 2000, I was faster at the shorter distances. Of course, I was also younger. 🙂

Regardless, I know I have more gears I can tap into to get faster. So….what’s next???

The Kepler Mountain Challenge

Race morning began with my iPhone alarm buzzing at 4am. Splashing cold water on my face, waking up, and smiling….the day is finally here! I made some instant hotel coffee that is not half bad and eat my customary chocolate chip ClifBar and banana. I sat in bed, eating, drinking, quietly waking up to the day and feeling positive. I dress in shorts and my long sleeved “RUNATL” shirt. I put all my “required gear in my Salomon race pack; 1 long sleeved shirt, beanie, gloves, rain jacket, long wool pants, & rain jacket. These are all “compulsory gear” and we would have to undergo a gear check along the route to ensure compliance. The gear is required due to the nature of the changing conditions of the course, especially as we get to the top of the mountain. With the water in my pack, the clothing and all my GU Energy gels and Hammer Nutrition gels, my pack was beyond full.
I drove to the start of the race, about 3 miles from hotel. The streets were quiet and dark and the day was clear. No rain, but some last night and more expected later today.
Arriving at the start, I make one last bathroom stop and head to start line. As with other trail races, the number of runners are much less and the start line a lot more relaxed and low key. After a 10 second countdown, me and 449 others were off on our adventure of the Kepler Challenge; some with goals of winning, some with goals of beating a previous time, some running for their 10th time, some running the 1st time, some just wanting to finish.
That was me; I just want to finish. Have fun and finish. Enjoy the journey.

The first 3 miles are the soft trail, surrounded by green on both sides, more trees than I can even say. Off to my right past the trees, I could heart the edge of lake Te’Anu softly bumping up against the shore. Those first few miles were very crowded, but still able to have a nice easy stride. The soft steps of all us runners in close proximity to one another is such a nice sound.
We approached out first aide station and shortly after, the long, long ascent began. I think we climbed for about 10 miles and it was unbelievable. It was difficult and with an alarming amount of jaw dropping beauty all around. The first climbing miles were still in the thick green “forest”, switchbacks, stairs, bridges, etc…as we approached higher elevation, green gave way to open expanse. No one around me was running, everyone walking, climbing, etc. I would like to know if the front runners were running this part of the course….
Soon, we arrive at what I think may be the top of the climbing…the views are just ridiculously beautiful. I don’t have the words to describe it. Mountains, and mountain, and some lakes in between….all around. It was like out of a movie….
We arrive at checkpoint/aide station #2 and this is where we have a gear check. The volunteers make sure you have what’s required and we are off again. I grab 1/2 banana, refill my water and am off. I had met and chatted with a nice woman from Australia and we were changing places here and there. She was mostly ahead of me, but at times we were together and chatting. I noticed how fast she was climbing and was like, “how???”
We continue on….climbing…we turn a corner and I think, oh, there’s the top….um….no, wrong again. Keep climbing. At some point through all this, it is getting cold. We area up at 4500-5000 feet and it is also a bit windy. I put on my jacket, gloves and cap. I’m eating my gels, but i am not keeping track of how often and that was not a smart idea. I should have been keeping track. I knew I had a lot, but didn’t know exactly how many, so I didn’t know if I was eating too many of too few for the length of the race. Why didn’t I plan this better??
My mood is good, I am thoroughly enjoying the views and the experience and I am climbing more and more. Finally, we arrive at the top and their is a photographer there who takes our picture and says, “welcome to the top”. I smile, happy! I’m also thinking how did this guy get up here? He was literally stationed on a super small area, all bundled up, taking our photos. Maybe the helicopter dropped him off.

Reached the top, now for the descent….
Oh my….ouch, ouch on the quads….wow. A bit more technical at first, with lots of small rocks to navigate. My shoes were continuously filled with small pebbles, an annoyance, and had to stop a few times to empty them when a bigger rock got inside.
I had a few bathroom pee breaks on the trail. 1 at a checkpoint, and 2 in the woods. I didn’t want to stop but…
The descent was very long and more painful than the ascending. The ascending is just plain difficult; this amount of descending all in succession was difficult AND painful. The trails in Marin that I had been running on were good training ground, I just didn’t do them enough for longer periods of time per training session.
More descending and at a point where it was switchbacks on steroids. For those who might not know, switchbacks on trails are like a zig zag over and over again. And again. Some amazing trees along the way. I was literally in a forest. Took this photo which didn’t quite show it, but the trees were almost like a Spanish moss. Lots of ferns and beech trees and who knows what else! I was about 6 hours in and I was feeling it. I was tired. Hungry. I felt like I needed some salt. Whatever electrolyte levels were in my Energy gels wasn’t cutting it. I was finally on flat ground and running. Walking. Repeat. They had a few other things to eat at aide stations but I didn’t want to eat anything I had not been familiar with and potential suffer stomach issues. I continued on for more spectacular miles. Looking right, left, and above and just seeing beauty like never before. True paradise! Wow! I actually fell a couple of times; once while turning on a switchback. I just slipped and scrapped the left side of my lower leg. No problems, just scrapping and a little blood. It was actually kinda fun. Later, I slipped on a some wet rocks. Slid completely onto my backside and

Mmy right palm was all that got a small pang. I was lucky. There were many tricky and dangerous places on the track….slippery areas and lots of rocks and rooted areas where you could easily slip and fall. I had to constantly look down to avoid a fall. It was a long day of meditative running. I had my earbuds with me in case I wanted to listen to music, but I never did. I just wanted to be be out there and soak it all in. The last 5 miles before I got to the next checkpoint, Montara Hut, were painfully slow. Walking a lot and running, um…shuffling a little. Ugh. It sucked. But, I just was running out of strength and energy. After 7 hours, my Suunto Ambit2 watch had lost all of its battery life and from that point on, I didn’t know how far I was. I had my phone so I knew the time, but not mileage. I was thinking what should I do when I get to Montara Hut? Should I pull myself or keep going? Well, I didn’t take too long to decide. By the time I arrived at the station, I checked in and then said to the 2 ladies there, “I don’t think I can go on, I think this is it for me.” They looked at with such care and sweetly said, “well, that’s ok. You’ve come so far already. But, if you want, just sit, eat and think about what you want to do.”
I sat down, had some water and one of the ladies came over and brought me some food to choose from, saying, “can I get you anything else?” She was so nice!!
One of the women volunteers who was keeping track of the runners at this stage came over and asked if this was the end for me and I said yes. That was it. My Kepler Race was over. I went to the bathroom, put my long rain pants on and then sat and waited for the boat to take me and another fella across to the start line. I sat in the sun and felt ok with my decision. If I continued on, I would have had to walk the remaining 9 miles and there was ZERO desire in me to do that in the condition I was already in.
As I write this, I feel a bit teary, but I knew not finishing was a possibility due to my level if training and fitness and the proximity this race had been to my October marathon. I knew it was a push. I knew it was a gamble. So, I am without surprise, and yet still with disappointment of not crossing the finish line. I wanted that for me. No fanfare, no one here traveling with me, I don’t even think you get a medal….but I wanted to cross, just as I do every race. But, on this day, I didn’t want to walk those last 9 miles and finish that way. I did not strain over my decision as I feel I also made a smart decision for my body.
Today, of course, I am sore; legs, especially my quads, feet and back are all feeling it. I earned every bit of soreness and remain proud of my efforts. I looked at it as an adventure, and it was. With all it’s astounding, made for gasping beauty, it really was quite and adventure.

Total time: note sure as my watched had stopped, but approx 8 hours, so min
Distance: 27.6 miles
Ascent: 5,252 feet **most ever so far
Descent: 4,377 feet **most ever so far

This was the most challenging and difficult race I have attempted. It surpasses the 40 miler, the 50k trail run Tennessee and the 34.4 miles I ran as part of the JFK 50.

I want to give a MASSIVE shout out to all the Kepler volunteers. They were amazing and so giving!!
Thank you to my friends and loved ones who have cheered me on!! I felt you with me in spirit!!

If you are a runner, put this race on your bucket list. If you are alive and breathing, put this place on your list to walk, hike, etc…

More pics some from the top and then thru forest.

A footnote on that last pic of me at my finish: I was trying to give a sad face for not finishing and it doesn’t look like I just ran what I did, doesn’t look as though I ran 26 hard ass miles. I assure you I did! 🙂
I could also not be to bummed in the moment as the ladies who helped me were so amazing and sweet!

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Full Throttle

Growing bit by bit. You know that thing that kids do sometimes to track their  height progress… Find a wall, stand there and mark your height…come back 6 months, a year later to track it again….and see the new height, the higher height.

Well, I feel like I have this invisible height track monitor at work and yesterday, I noticed I had grown. A lot.

I had a meeting that I had been anxious about earlier in the week. After much preparation and some encouraging words from a friend, my anxiety was almost zero.  I prepared diligently and the meeting went great. And while it was happening, I saw myself, I heard myself and I couldn’t help but be proud of me…because I saw how far I had come in my career. And later in the afternoon, I started to reflect on the recent past.

It’s been 1 full fiscal year of transitioning and re-creating myself and career here in the Bay Area. It has been one full year of being a true solo practitioner instead of a junior partner or an assistant. It’s been about 18 months since I walked away from a work situation that no longer suited me, professionally or personally. I made the decision to jump out of a nest that felt like it was strangling me. I left a “house” that had definitely served a purpose for some time, but as I got “bigger”, all indications were that it was no longer the place for me. And it wasn’t just the external factors that were holding me back; part of it was me and my own reluctance to truly step out and up, to truly be at the helm of my own ship. Like anyone who has tried to step out on their own, there is a fair amount of fear and apprehension that must be addressed and dealt with… All part of the territory.

When I first had the guts to try to get into my career, I was an assistant and went thru the internal protocols to apply. I was then essentially turned away because I didn’t “pass” the required “personality” test. Confused, dejected and angry. I waited and tried again with new management. My 2nd time trying was met with some unusual circumstances that led to a very political and company rule book, “no.”  Crushed. I was crushed.

I waited. I tried again and was hired by the skin of my teeth. It really shouldn’t have been THAT difficult, but it was. The main thing was I was IN! I was ecstatic. To finally put my skills to work and see what I could really do!!

I was doing what I wanted to do, but I was still in a “junior” role and while it served me well for a short time, it became increasingly difficult to not be the driver of the ship. I knew I could do it. If you have been in this situation before, you know how frustrating it can be to sit back, be quiet and watch someone else do all the navigating….when you have lots of other ideas about how it can be done. One of the important lessons I have learned that when you are in partnership with someone, whether personal or work related, if you are going at different speeds, their will be conflict. I wanted to operate at rapid speeds. There was conflict.

I came to a point in my partnership where something had to give and something did give.  There was major discomfort, upheaval and dissension. I was miserable and had to break free and I did. It was not without fear, but I did it. I took the leap of faith.

And, I am doing it. I moved back home to the Bay Area and restructured my career. I have been going full throttle this last year and it has paid off! With accountability, care, dedication and focus, I am making it happen. I am enjoying a wonderful level of fulfillment that I only expect will continue. Of course, this is a not a situation without difficulties or tough times; I expect that too! And yet, I am confident in my ability to steer this ship, whether the waters are smooth, choppy or whatever they may be. I have been given the opportunity and I am making the most of it.

I never gave up on this…never gave up on this that was so important to me. I suffered setbacks and had so many reasons to walk away and try something else, but I didn’t. There were times when others doubted me and I was crushed; times when I doubted myself and I was paralyzed; times when life just didn’t go the way I had hoped…..and every time, I had to re-group and re-assess how important it was for me to keep going forward. And, I think that is what it boils down to: how much do you want it? How big is your desire? Doesn’t matter what the IT is….job, relationship, any goal…any thing. How big is your desire and what are you willing to do? Those answers lie within you. Have the courage to look with honesty and compassion. And go forward.

Hungry. Determined. Passionate.

Onward.

P.S. Dear mom and grams, I hope you both can see me from the heavens above and I hope you are proud. When I toast my success, I am toasting with you.

The Good of Reflecting

Last night, I pulled out some of my old training journals. I’ve been keeping a log of my training for years now. Probably about 14 years. It’s pretty awesome to go back and look at where I was with my running; my distance, pace and how I felt at the time. I found the book that captured the training before I ran my 1st Half-Marathon back in January of 1999 (before the internet truly took off and long before BLOGS began or at least my blogging) Like my regular LIFE handwritten journals, I’m thrilled to have these journals. Even looking at them and seeing how my penmanship was is kinda neat. I have all sorts of books/logs. Some are ones I bought at running stores and are very specific with each day; GOAL. TIME. DISTANCE. AM PULSE. WEATHER. TEMP. TIME. TERRAIN. And others…I have simply used a good ‘ole yellow notepad.

So, reading the log from late 1998 into early 1999 was very cool. I was just beginning to run “long” as I trained for the SF Half Marathon. Here are a couple of entries from that time period.

Date: Jan 7th, 1999
Distance: 10.3 miles
“This was a hard one. Damn, I was tired after. I may have went out to quickly after eating lunch. I had bad pains at about 40 minutes. pain! But, I wouldn’t allow myself to stop. not an option. I even went over my time (goal) because I thought I was going slower and I was. My last 203 miles felt relatively strong. But, days (runs) like this one make me wonder how I can do 26 miles eventually. The only answer is will. My own will. Train, train, train. If I want to, I know I can do it. I can do anything. Thank God, I can run.”

Date: Jan 13, 1999
Distance: 13 miles
“Long, Long, run. My body has never felt so fatigued before. It felt like all I could do to finish. Gee, it was really tough. The last 40 minutes especially. I felt off balance, like I could fall. Disoriented. But, I met – BEAT my time goal. YEAH. This was the toughest run I have ever had. I’ve never felt so fatigued. Now, I know I can do it. I CAN!!”

AND HERE IS THE ENTRY FROM AFTER THE HALF-MARATHON I WAS TRAINING FOR:
Date: Jan 31, 1999
Distance: 13.1 miles
“Well, I did it. I really did it. A 1/2 marathon. I’ve completed something very big – quite an accomplishment and I’m going to let myself have it. I need more room to write than what is provided here in this training journal. It rained Saturday night so I thought it would rain in the race, but it didn’t. It was a little misty at the start. I almost can’t believe that I did it. It seemed like such a big feat and now it’s over. Kinda a bummer. I’m so proud of myself. Proud for many reasons – because I committed myself to something and stayed with it – because I never let myself quit – because I made a goal and smashed it. Because I stayed committed to a program and essentially, myself. The course was pretty and fast; a lot through Golden Gate Park and along the Great Highway. It was neat/refreshing to see the big waves as I ran. Some of the wind was incredibly fierce. It was just awesome though. I can’t believe how much the PowerGel helped. It wasn’t actually until mile 12 when I felt real tired – but now I know – I know I can run a full marathon and I will.”

So…there you have it. Some insight into my early thoughts as a runner. One of the coolest things about going back and reading these entries is how it connects me back to gratitude and perspective. If you know me, then you know I push pretty hard at all I do and sometimes lose site of perspective. I think we all do, don’t we? But the relfection also has connected me back with joy and excitement of running and racing, which I can also lose site of sometimes.

As the days near to race day this Sunday, I am already quite excited. I’m lucky to be alive. I’m fortunate to have legs that work. I’m blessed to be able to run. AND, I am gonna try like hell for my #1 goal.
Finish time: 01:59:59 or better!

I urge and encourage you to TRY! TO GO FOR YOUR OWN GOAL! Whether that is running a 5k, swimming a mile, getting a college degree, playing the piano or walking across the street. JUST GO FOR IT!

ONWARD.

Do I Even Remember the Week?

Man, i need to take notes or something. I feel like by the time Sunday rolls around, I have a hard time remembering the last week. Anyone else feel that way?

Let’s see, I remember being sore the day after my 16+ miler. I also ran 2 days during the week. Other than that, it’s kinda blurry except for one notable thing that happened: i lost someone.

No, not lost as in DIED, but lost as in someone moved away. Who? He was someone at work. He was kinda like my direct “boss”, but really he was more like a mentor to me. And just a really good guy! In my profession, it is so beneficial to have a mentor, to have a “coach”, someone who can kick your butt, challenge you, support you, and cheer for you. He did all of this for me and for many others in our office, but I think over the past 2 years he and i had developed a deeper bond. He gave me a really tough time. And I loved it. His motivational/coaching style was a perfect fit for me. He was NOT AT ALL a touchy-feely person (I am) and so that was an interesting dynamic in itself. Before he came to our office, I knew I could be successful, but he made me believe it even more. He challenged me every day and some days I would get pretty irritated with him, but inside, I was thankful. Thankful that he cared enough to keep pushing me.

Last Friday, we were all called in for a lunch meeting and the announcement was that he had received a promotion and would be leaving at the end of the day. Of course, i knew someone in his position would not be there forever and of course, I am happy for his own success, but selfishly, I was pretty sad. But, he definitely laid a lot of ground work for me and his eyes, his voice and his mannerisms will be with me every day. We had our good-bye moment near the end of they day and tears flooded my eyes. I thought maybe i saw i gleam in his too. Maybe…

I walked out the doors and let myself cry. Thanks, MH. I will miss you and yep, i am gonna keep pushing!

Oct 4: 8 miles – outside

Oct 1: 5.57 miles – outside

Sept 29: 3.2 miles – outside

A very lite week of running. Was feeling under the weather all weekend. Can’t believe I ran 8 today. I’m not worried about the race. I just want to go run. I miss being at a race. Last race i did was was a 5k back in May!

Hope everyone is getting some good workouts & races in!