Archive for confidence

T-19

Posted in 40 mile run, gym, motivation, photos, road, shoes, trail with tags , , , , , , , , , on September 7, 2010 by afuntanilla

There’s been so much going on and so much I have wanted to post, but the moment keeps getting away from me. And honestly, I have been spending so much time in front of computer at work, that I really don’t want to be in front of it at home…which is a little bit of a shame considering i have a sweet-ass iMAC!

So, since this has been a 3-day weekend, it’s a good time for me to post!

Last week was interesting. I was more stressed with work stuff than I have been in a while and then having some anxiety about the 40 mile plan. I also had some physical issues. major fatigue. fatigue like i’m standing up at work talking to a colleague and just feel like I will fall down right then and there. Thank goodness, I didn’t. Fall down.

Then, on Friday, i also had some kind of intestinal issue which was not fun. I left work early, went home and slept a lot for the next 36 hours.

Even though as fatigued as i was, i ran on Tuesday after work. Weather has turned about 10 degrees cooler with significantly less humidity. On Thursday, I ran in the morning and then again later that evening. I felt really good on that second run, but now i think it may have been my adrenaline-induced self speaking. Who knows…I ran 4.5 miles on Saturday on treadmill and was extremely dehydrated. Afterwards, I basically slept for the rest of the day off and on.

So, i tell you all that because it really did not make ANY sense what happened on Sunday. Sunday was to be my longest long run before taper for 40 miler. I had no idea what I would be able to do given what my body was going through Fri/Sat.

I woke on Sunday and felt ok. I definitely felt rested. Legs didn’t feel as fresh as I would have liked, but I was glad to feel rested and AWAKE. I figured since it was my longest run yet, i would just go ahead and run thru the city rather than go to the Silver Comet Trail. I wanted to be alone on the empty Sunday streets of Atlanta. I wanted to see the city in its calm state, to look at the different architecture of downtown buildings, and to zig zag my way through various neighborhoods.

I drove and parked my car along Peachtree Ave, put on my Nathan Pack and headed East. Starting temperature was 56 with low low humidity. HEAVEN!

I made a conscious decision to walk any hilly parts so I could save my legs and last for as long as I could. I felt a lot of peace. It was soooo quiet being a Sunday and a holiday weekend. I had the streets to myself. Love that! The first 12 miles took me through Midtown and downtown. Running along some of the outer streets of downtown is where I encountered some of the homeless folks. They are the only ones up at that time of day. A lot of them sleeping on the concrete. Man, can you imagine? Regardless of how they arrived at a place in their lives where they know sleep on the street, in vacant, dirty, trash-filled parking lots, every one of them deserves compassion. I wanted to go home and get them some blankets. Some part of me frequently feels that only a few pieces of different luck or different choices and I could have been there…could be there…you never know.

On a stretch over by Turner Field (home of the Atlanta Braves) a couple of fellas were sitting there smiling at me as i ran past. “Run it out, run it out”, they cheered! Thx, fellas!

Physically, I was feeling better than I had expected and mentally, i felt stronger than in a while. I KNOW a lot of the mental strength came from simply better weather and not having to battle the flattening humidity. It’s truly amazing how much that had beaten me down over a good chunk of the summer. I ran into Decatur and found the track at Agnes Scott College open so i went on it. I was relieved to take off my pack and run without anything. No water, no iPOD. Free. The track there is awesome. Beautiful grass. Nice track. Serene setting. There were only 2 other people there; an older couple who were walk/running. They were adorable. I thought maybe that is how me & my loved one will be when we get old. (Whomever that loved one might be…) I ran a solid 4 miles on the track and then continued on for the final 8 miles back to my vehicle. 24 miles.

I was pretty psyched when I was finished. Why? Because I did it on tired legs. Because I had about the same pace I had at the LA Marathon back in March. Because like all the other times, I could have stopped at any point and I didn’t. Because I pushed myself and gained more confidence with each passing mile. Because even though I will still need to go another 16 miles to reach 40, I know i can do it. I know it in my blood. I needed that kind of a day, that kind of a run more than i could possibly explain.

Below are some recent pics a friend took during some different runs.

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a potato story and a little more….

Posted in 40 mile run, motivation, photos, road with tags , , , , , , , , on July 20, 2010 by afuntanilla

I used to feel very uncomforatble in taking up any space. I used to behave as though i didn’t “deserve” to take up any space or “have a voice at the table”.  I used to be extremely shy when people offered me things and of course, I never asked for anything.  A couple of examples for better illustration;

Back in early 1990’s, i lived in San Francisco with 2 great friends. Well, one already great friend, Alec, and another person who grew to be my best friend,  Holly. Holly had just moved in with us. While she and I shared many commonalities, we also shared many differences. One difference was in the whole cooking arena. Me and my little self didn’t know how to cook and rarely ate at home unless it was something very simple. So, one day, Holly & I were in the kitchen and I was about to eat a simple baked potato I had made for myself. She, on the other hand, was making a huge pot of Jambalya. (She is from a small town outside of Baton Rouge, LA, so the girl knows how to cook some Jambalya! ) Here’s what was said in kitchen.

Holly: If you wanna wait, this Jambalaya is gonna be ready in just a bit”

Me: (feeling all awkward & uncomfortable), “oh…um…no, I’m just gonna eat my potato”

She looked at me incredulously. Why the hell would someone chose to eat a baked potato vs homemade Jambalaya? Well, what she didn’t know then was how much I DID want the Jambalaya, but I was so queasy about accepting the offer that I simply could not do it.

Present Day – When I go to her house, I practically beg her to cook for me, we eat off each others plates and often crack up at the potato story.

Other examples of how i didn’t feel comfortable taking up space are simply those many times I have been with mutiple people at dinner tables or work functions or anything where people are gathered and sharing ideas. I would often remain quiet..very quiet because I always felt what I had to say was so trivial and stupid. And when I did speak up, i often felt like people just looked at me and when i was finished, simply moved on with their conversation. So…that did not help to give me confidence.  I felt invisible. I felt ridiculous for even being there…

Fast Forward to present day..this past Friday,  I was invited to lunch by some managers in my office. They wanted to take me to lunch and get my ideas on work stuff. So, here I am, at a table with 4 men, who wanted my input. Not only was I more than happy to give my input, but i felt totally comfortable and like i totally belonged right there at that table.

I bring these things up because as i was sitting yesterday morning  being quiet and reflecting, i had these realizations of how much I have grown over the years. And it feels freaking awesome. The whole feeling like i belong…..i didn’t even think about it at the lunch meeting. It was a non-issue. I only thought about it upon reflection. How great is that!

And now, here I am, totally putting myself out there to people, to companies, as I prepare for this epic birthday run. Asking for support…wanting to share a story so deeply personal…but wanting to share because I hope to have impact…to inspire….if i can inspire just 1 person, my life is valuable. period. If i can inspire 1 person to take a risk, to push themselves just a litte more, my life is valuable. period. If i can help to fill bags for children who have so little, my life is valuable. period.

Thank you for being a part of this journey. You make it worthwhile.

And now a few pics from the weekend runs;  bridge along Silver Comet Trail –

One of my favorite sections of trail…so dark because of all the lush green overhang…

Little Tunnel…

It was a bit humid…

A pretty good week capped off with Sunday double of 14 miles in a.m. and 4 in p.m. Drank some Coconut Water for first time. Not the greatest tasting drink, but it sure did help w/ replenishment. For those who don’t already know, coconut water is the purest form of electrolyte replacement. Go get yours!

Getting more and more excited about the birthday run. Have lots of ideas and will be sharing more info and details as I get some things up and running, so to speak.

Train hard. Train Smart. Push beyond what you think you are capable of…FIND OUT!!!