Archive for mom

Sunday in the Park

Posted in photos, road, running with tags , , , , , , , , on May 13, 2013 by afuntanilla

Woke up this morning knowing I didn’t get enough sleep last night. Not a good thing considering i had planned about an 8-9 mile run this morning. Thankfully, when I saw the sun was already brightly shining at 8am, I became energized and committed to the run plan. I decided to drive down to SF and either run along the Marina green or in Golden Gate Park. With Peets in hand, I hit the road. Leaving Petaluma, skies were blue as can be with no clouds. As I got closer to the Golden Gate Bridge, i could see the morning fog was still pretty heavy. I opted for running in the park. I parked, got myself together and hit the path at the Stanyan/Fell entrance. It was about 9:30am and still a little quiet out. Temps were cool, maybe low 60’s and then the high fog above. I wasn’t sure how my body would feel. This was to be my 3rd run in 3 days and I have not done that in a while…so….just wanted to have my legs!! I pressed start on the watch and music and off I went. As I ran along, within the first mile, some part of a song came on…i can’t be more specific because I cannot remember, but the important part is the SURGE I get sometimes. Like then. A part of a song comes on and I just feel like I get a HUGE boost. I love that!

The miles keep adding up and before I know it, I am at the other end of the park, along the great highway, and looking out at the great and mighty Pacific Ocean. I can barely see it because of the fog, but i can still hear the waves and feel the energy. DAMN, I LOVE THIS PLACE. The smells of Eucalyptus all throughout the park and the cool temperatures washing over my skin. So refreshing. So needed. And then, I think of mom. My Mom. Who loved the city. This City. This City where I was born. San Francisco. This place she held so dearly. And in these moments when my feet are traveling, when my body is running through Golden Gate Park, I am giving her my love and my silent Thank you for being with me as long as you could…as long as the world and God and all the rest would have it. Thank you for bringing me into this world, caring for me and loving me. Mom. May your star continue to shine. Bright.

I keep running and make my way up the small incline of the next 2+ miles. Passing by Stow Lake, traffic of both cars and people have increased. I’m nearing 7 miles now and i see my car up ahead. Perfect time to stop as I am tired. My legs, my quads are tired….But, I can’t. Push on for 8. I run right pass my card and onto the GG Panhandle and make it one more mile, as planned. Not easy. But, I made it. Stuck to my commitment. I was a happy gal!!

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ONWARD!!

my share

Posted in Uncategorized with tags on May 8, 2011 by afuntanilla

Gosh, was it really that long ago? Nearly 28 years. Yes, somedays, it truly seems that┬álong ago and other days, as if it were yesterday. My memories, sometimes, so close I have difficulty breathing thru the choking grief. Other times, you are very far away – sometimes as if you were never there. And yet, you were. So many of your traits, both physical and not, have I inherited; your seriousness, sentimentality and a hope for goodness in all humans. Yes, those things are with me. A love of music and singing out loud no matter how good or not your voice is – yep, i got that too.

On occasions such as now, i cannot help but wonder how our relationship would have evolved – what would it be like today? If you were still alive, you would soon turn 68 years old. I wonder if you would have gotten healthy or continued down a sad path of self-destruction. Maybe you would have gone to therapy, turned all new-agey and led spiritual retreats. Or maybe your self-destruction would have caused us to drift and separate and become an old mother-daughter very difficult relationship.

We’ll never know. We were robbed. Or saved. Perhaps.

There were many times it was not easy to be your kid; you could be aloof, mean, hysterical, and rough. But. You were my mom.┬áThe one I went to when I hurt myself. The one I went to when I came home excited from events at school. The one to whom I said, “I love you, mom.”

I miss seeing your face and your eyes get all teary when i gave you some mushy hallmark card.

I miss being hugged.

I miss seeing your face light up, knowing I made your proud.

I miss knowing that I had you, mom.

And. So.

I thank you. For Giving Me Life.

For Giving Me Love.

For teaching me that we are all equal no matter what color or sex or if we look goofy or not goofy. Thank you for teaching me not to lie. Thank you for teaching me to stand up for what is right. For Justice. For those who need a voice.

Thank you for believing in me and for teaching me that I Could Be Anything and I Could Do Anything.

Your words did not fall on deaf ears nor did they go in one ear and out the other.

I heard you, Mom and I thank you.

With all my heart, I love you and hope you are resting in deep peace.