Sunday

Boldness is a positive characteristic of the spirit. Courage respects action; fortitude respects passion. We require resolution  not to yield to the first difficulties that offer.

{these are some definitions found in this awesome book i have borrowed from a friend. It’s from 1924 and titled: Lincoln Library of Essential Information. Filled with lots of fascinating info!!

16 miles today. Started at 8:30am which was still too late. It’s been very hot here this weekend. 95-100 degrees. Ran on part of the course i think i will eventually run. Was good to be on a different route, and yet old familiar streets and lots of memories from my 20’s…

Got this nasty blister around mile 6.5. I think due to swelling of my feet due to heat. Not fun or comfortable. Legs actually felt pretty good throughout and all else was ok. However, the heat did get me and i ran the 2nd half slower than 1st.

…figuring it all out….can it happen. can i do it. can i make it…..

Awesome to be out on the quiet Sunday streets. I really love this part of it. The Sunday Long Run through the streets. I can hear myself breathe, think, not think, notice so many things….and then, nothing…

Thankful for the part of the route that offered shade!

XLV

On Failure

Think about this next time you think about failure;

“Fail boldly. The more you take on, the more you will fail. But, the more you fail, the more you will learn – and the more you will succeed.
You have to hate failing. If you don’t mind failing, you’re never going to succeed – there will be nothing there to make you want more.
Failing makes you see yourself as your truly are, and where you can take yourself.
It’s better to die on your feet than to live on your knees.”
– Dean Karnazes

I have failed. Big. Boldly.
I remain hungry. Unremittingly so.

light and dark

Have missed writing for a bit, and instead of giving a total recap, will just give some highlights.

Last week, i was able to check off an item on my bucket list; i went to the US OPEN Tennis Tournament in NY. Going to see one of the Grand Slam Tennis events in person has been a desire of mine since I seriously began following tennis in the late 80’s. i finally made it happen and am thrilled that I did!

Here are just a couple of pics from midtown and central park

While I was severely disappointed not to see Roger Federer play because he had lost on the day prior to my travel, I did get to see Victoria Azarenka, Rafael Nadal, Andy Murray, Stan Wawvrinka, and the Bryan brothers (play doubles) The Murray/Wawvrinka was the best match I saw. It had everything I wanted to see; drama, great intense tennis and an underdog winning. AND, the energy of the crowd at Arthur Ashe Stadium was thrilling. It was a gorgeous late afternoon match, the sun was beating down on us with not too much heat, and we watched awesome tennis. Perfect. Ashe stadium was the only stadium I watched matches so i don’t know what the others feel like, but Ashe was great. My seats were not very close, but in general, just to be there was pretty special.

I was only in NY for 3 days and only ran once for about 3 miles. Went for a wonderful walk in central park for about 1.5 hours with 2 pals. Did a ton of walking just in general. Of course, NY!!!

Came home on Friday and was beat!

(Sept 2) Monday: 6 miles outside – 9:23 pace; 1 mile walk

(Sept 5) Thursday: 30 minute run – NYC

(Sept 7) Saturday: 4 miles outside – 9:07 pace

(Sept 8) Sunday: 16 miles outside – 10:14 pace

This last Sunday run was clearly the highlight. Longest I have run all year. And the best I have felt on all my long runs as of late. As mentioned in previous posts, I have felt sluggish, very heavy physically (+emotionally) and have just felt very weighed down! I’ve definitely turned a corner and the first thing that happened as I turned my Garmin switch to “stop” after Sunday’s 16 miler was a huge smile came upon my face. So happy with my effort. Grateful to feel my running VIBE again. If you are a runner, I think you GET what I mean. AHHHHH

Went for another “ice bath” in the Pacific Ocean afterwards!! AMEN! Felt so freaking great!!

I cannot express enough how much “lighter” I felt while running, especially over the weekend. I attribute this to the following:

1) taking care of myself emotionally and getting thru my stuff

2) travel – having fun – complete change of pace

The hard stuff in our lives, the difficult times, we need it — for balance. Sure, it never feels good, all that hard stuff; but we gotta have the patience and the care for ourselves to get through it. It can be grueling. But…then….you get to the other side. There is light after darkness.

Thankful.

“Endurance is just not the ability to ability to bear a hard thing, but to turn it into glory” – William Barclay

Walking, Running, Rolling…..

Post-race week:

Last week, did some walking. Kinda a big deal for me because I don’t really like to walk!

Monday-walked about 30 minutes

Wednesday-walked 6 miles, approximately 1 hour 45 min. A hilly route from home over to and in Helen Putnam Park and back. Petaluma gets very windy in the early evenings and as I walked thru the park, it was just a beautiful sight to see….how the wind made the golden grass on the hillsides sway to and fro. A lovely, calming site….like an orchestra moving together in perfect unison. There were not many people out and it as peaceful there….definitely a ice reprieve from the crazy work week.

Friday – walked about 2 miles

Saturday – first run since the race. I didn’t take it lightly. Drove down to Mill Valley and just went on a random route up and into the curvy, quiet hilly neighborhoods. My level of perceived exertion felt very high. Felt like my HR was way up there. Damn hills. But, beautiful. The smell in these parts is something I wish I could bottle and take with me and put in my home. It is Eucalyptus AND SOMETHING ELSE. Don’t know what THAT is, but quite yummy.

After the run, made my way over to the running store, San Francisco Running Company (located in Mill Valley) This is a fairly new addition to the area and I couldn’t be happier. The store is co-owned by Ultrarunners Brett Rivers and Jorge Maravilla; 2 stud Ultrarunners and cool guys! Brett finished 2nd in the recent San Diego 100 miler and Jorge will be competing in this coming weekends Western States 100 (last year, Jorge finished 8th). So, um, yeah….they do some training!!

Their specialty running store is awesome and I’ve already dropped more than a few bucks there on shoes, shirts, hats, and most recently, the R8 Roll Recovery. This is essentially a self massage device that is like nothing I have ever tried. As expected, it’s designed to reduce inflammation, stimulate blood circulation, etc. I love it and feel it is worth the price. I’m especially thankful for it as I cannot seem to find a massage therapist that really suits me these days. If you use this R8 correctly, it can definitely feel like a great massage on your legs!

Sunday– decided I hadn’t had enough hills, so I ran essentially the same course I had walked mid week; 6 miles from him to Helen Putnam Park, I don’t know why I am running hills since the next race is Peachtree, but I just felt like it. Hey, I like to suffer, ok. I will say this, it was a lot more fun to RUN this course than WALK it!! A peaceful, quiet, Sunday…no music, no crowds, just me and the open road and trails. Heaven. Church. A different kind of heaven versus last weekends packed race. Different and still awesome.

So, the Peachtree is next, on July 4th, in a hot and humid Atlanta. In Petaluma these days, it is mid 60’s, cool and a little rainy. It’s ok. I know I will suffer. I lived in Atlanta for 13 years and never got acclimated…so, Peachtree, bring it on…I will be prepared to suffer and be humbled, yet again.

Lastly, this coming Friday, Nike will release the results for the Nike Women’s Marathon lottery. If I get it in, I’m committing here and now to go for a PR. Stay tuned.

Thanks for reading and remember, you are capable of so much more than you think! GO GET IT!

Here’s a little Bruce Lee for ya!

Fog

Howdy. So, I am on the heels of another race; the San Francisco Half Marathon 1 week from today. The event has 3 parts actually; the full marathon and then the choice of running either the 1st half or 2nd half marathon. Last year, the race was in July and I ran the 2nd Half Marathon and had a PR of 1:5842. I was beyond ecstatic. I was so jazzed! So proud. If you follow me, you know I had been trying to get under 2 hours for the half for some time.

So. As the race was approaching this year, I signed up. I didn’t sign up with enough time to properly train for another PR and honestly, at the time I signed up, my mindset was this: “I just want to RUN THE RACE. I don’t have a serious stake in how I finish, I just want to RUN.”

And, so. I’ve pretty much “trained” with that mindset too. Last year, I specifically trained to beat 2 hours and this year, I’ve just been running without a real focus on time. And honestly, as I sit here today, one week prior to race, I realize I don’t like that mindset at all. Here’s why; it’s left me without a REAL GOAL and REAL FOCUS. While this may be ok for others, I need this. I know myself well enough to know I absolutely THRIVE with goals. They make me feel like I have purpose and actually, help keep me sane. This all came into focus during this weekend of 2 short runs.

Yesterday, I drove down to San Francisco to run near the water and along a short portion of the course along Chrissy Field. It was clear skies  where i live and about to get super hot, but as soon as i crossed into Marin, I could see the lovely morning fog hovering over the Marin headlands and into SF. It was so foggy, once I was on the Golden Gate Bridge, I could not see anything. I’ve been to the city a lot lately and this was one of the foggiest mornings in a while. Anyways… I parked at Chrissy Field and began. My legs felt ok to start, but pretty quickly, I felt their fatigue. The first 2 miles had some uphill climbs into and around the presidio. I specifically wanted to run up this portion as it is the same on race day. Complete fog and gray skies all around made for perfect running weather. I love the cool breeze on my face and the usual smell of the towering Eucalyptus trees. But, all the while, I was not entirely focused. Not the way I like to be….focused in a way that actually allows me to enjoy the run. I was feeling sluggish, crabby, not focused and ran 5 miles. I was ok with the distance, just not with the way I felt.

Then today, I went out for what I thought would be 5 or 6 and ended up running 2. Yes, 2 miles. I can honestly say I was physically not feeling great and mentally even worse. Some of all this has to do with some personal things I have going on. They are definitely weighing on me and most of the time, running can be a great respite, but I am spending so much mental energy on other personal things, I could not push through today. And, yes, this bothers me. And I do think, if I had a SPECIFIC goal, my experience might be different, almost undoubtedly so…because without a goal, it becomes WAY too easy to stop, to go slower, to not push, to essentially slack off. Because the mindset is different.

Some may read this and think, well do you have to push all the time, have goals all the time, etc….and of course, there has been and will be time for that, I’m just finding that for me, right now, a goal-less mindset is not serving me best.

So, I have to adjust. I wish I was running better, faster, but I am not. And it is not lost on me that I have the ability to run. I have deep gratitude for what I am able to do with these legs, this body. Right now, I am probably running somewhere between 2:05-2:10 finish time. I will take this week to try to figure out what I think is realistic and shoot for that. At this point, I am not sure of anything. The goal may simply be to finish the damn race.

Need to get my mind and my heart right….sometimes, it ain’t easy.

A few pics from Saturday’s run in SF:

an answer

Yep

“Stepping outside my comfort zones is the price I pay to find out how good I can be. If I planned on backing off every time running got difficult, I would hang up my shoes and take up knitting.”

-Des Davila

The newest

 

Whirlwind Calm

Last Sunday, I traveled to NY for long week of work. My days began early and ended late and there was a lot of sitting involved. A tough recipe for this active body to deal with, but…that’s the way it goes….

My work, in general, is dominated by males and by nature, is a very “aggressive” or “masculine” occupation. What do i mean by this: the occupation is very outward, high energy, with much focus on goals, accomplishments, etc…It’s nature is Outward. It’s the Yang (yin/yang) I enjoy my work and am pretty damn passionate about it. If you hear me talk about it, you will probably get that about me….at any time, it can be complicated, every changing, dynamic, challenging, maddening, enthralling, and very gratifying. It is not simple, easy, comfortable or boring. Thank Goodness!

My whole week was spent planning, strategizing, evaluating, reviewing, etc…all about the future and creating what I want and creating a plan to execute. And I loved it. It was mentally tiring and physically draining, but it was full of valuable nuggets for me to implement. It was a week long cram session.

Friday, I flew home to SF from NY and if you travel that route, you know it is a looong flight. Around 6 hours. + the travel to the airport in the morning and the travel home from SFO. Add on another 8.5 hours of sitting. ARRGGHHHH!!!!!! After a week of lots of sitting and little time for exercise. ARRRGGHHHH…..My body was dying for movement.

So, I arrive home about 9pm on Friday night and by 9am on Saturday morning, I was at a DAY LONG MEDITATION RETREAT CENTER. This was already planned into my schedule and when I realized it was the day after my trip to NY, it’s not like I was too excited for it since it involved more sitting!!

However….as the Gods would have it, it ended up being timed PERFECTLY. As I arrived at the beautiful center and settled in for our 1st of many meditations, I was quite thankful for this day and this opportunity. And I was enormously struck by the complete and utter contrast to the environment I just left….

This day was going to be 8 hours of SILENT MEDITATION. Surrounded in an environment that was gorgeous, restorative and nurturing. This was the feminine, the YIN, the INNER.

I was struck by these 2 opposite places and events and how I involve myself in both. I am passionate about my work and I am passionate about caring for my soul, my spirit. The 2 are not dis-connected. I weave them together. I can hold both.

“Sit. Feast on your life” – Derek Walcott

For today…everyday

“There is nothing wrong with loving the crap out of everything. Negative people find their walls. So never apologize for your enthusiasm. Never. Never. Never. ”

-Ryan Adams

A Slooooo Start

“Nothing ever goes away until it has taught us what we need to know”

So. 2013 has not started exactly the way I had hoped…on December 26th, I got sick with the flu. It lasted for about 2 weeks and since then, I have been experiencing much achiness and fatigue. I feel like the damn thing just flattened me. And it did. I haven’t missed any work, but left early many days. My weekends, up until this current weekend, have basically been spent on the couch/bed. Not feeling the physical energy to do much for such a long time now has been quite the challenge.

I love being active. Of course, I love to run. But, I also love just having the energy to go about my day with some zest! During the past month, i have felt depressed, angry, agitated, cranky, irritable. I have done my best every day to be patient with my body as it clearly has a course of its own to run. I went to the doctor, had some blood work done just to be thorough….all came back normal. More patience with just what is….

I have not experienced this kind of sickness since about late 1990’s, so it’s been even the more challenging. I have been running about 3-5 days a week for about 15 years, so to have such a lengthly delay has been bubble bursting in so many ways. Some people will understand it and others won’t. And, that’s ok. Running makes me feel alive in a way that nothing else does. If you have read my blog for a while, you probably get it.

And…I’m trying to see the positives in all this. My flaw has been I do not give myself enough time to rest after big races and I had 2 big races last year. I know I am guilty of not enough rest. And part of me sees this delay as learning a lesson in this regard. I’m absorbing the lesson. Sometimes, after a big race, I’m so excited i just can’t wait to keep going for the next thing. But, there’s another lesson here too: to truly embrace my current self-accomplishment. Too often these past few years, I have not allowed myself to just “enjoy the after…” And, I think that is part of the nature of the mentality of runners…to keep re-setting their goals. Believe me, I am all for goal-setting, but i am getting the other lessons here too.

So, where am I now? Well, after a full month of little to no physical exercise. I am basically starting from zero. For example, I ran for 10 minutes on Friday and walked for 5 minutes.

Yesterday, I ran 2 miles and walked 5 minutes.

Hard to understand I ran a marathon in October. I could not run 5 miles right now. And….that is ok. I will get back. Smartly.

I remain positive and upbeat and ever determined.

Onward.

Expectations (Delusions of Grandeur)

This was what was written on the back of the New Balance T-Shirt I bought at my 1st ever marathon expo in Chicago, 2000. “The Marathon. A chance to be your own Hero”

Don’t we all suffer from delusions at one time or another? Don’t we all, at some point, become so wrapped up in excitement that we think we can be X or Y or Z? Yes, I think it is quite common….this affliction called Delusions of Grandeur. This affliction definitely has its drawbacks as I will soon discuss, but I think it has positive sides too. I don’t want to be Abby or Chrissie or Serena or Lolo. And I sure as heck don’t wanna be Lance. I just wanna be the best I can be. The best possible Angie. The best Angelina Funtanilla I can be at a given time. And, so….I wanna push. And when I have an outcome that surpasses my goals like I had a the SF Half Marathon a few weeks ago, I become extra motivated, extra inspired…and I wanna keep it up. I wanna keep going. I can’t help it. It’s my nature.
So. I knew the SF WOMEN’S NIKE MARATHON was coming up and wished I had signed up cuz it is already sold out. Sold out as soon as registration opened back in early March, I believe. I was thinking, “oh..that would be fun to run again. (I ran the race a few years ago and had a great time) wouldn’t it be great if I could set a PR or even get real close to 4 hours??” That was the thought in my head. Well, about a month ago, I went into a local running store and bought some new Nike shoes and because I did, I gained a entry to a lottery for a slot in the race. A week ago I found out I had won! I was super excited but then worried I wouldn’t have enough time to train properly. I thought the race was in Novemeber. I picked up my entry “ticket”, which was not free, by the way. I still had to register and pay, but at least I had a spot. I go look online and see that the race is…

Well, what happened? What happened was that as I was writing all the above, I had to go look at the actual date of the race, which is OCT 14th. As I went to the website, the first thing I see in big bold letters is 8 weeks to go. And, I just stopped writing the above part and thought, “8 weeks! I can run! I can do this….I just have to alter my expectations. I’m not going to go for a PR. Not possible. I will simply train as smartly as I can, and see how it goes. No pressure. Let go of expectations. I just wanna run this one!

I want to PR in the marathon and I also want to run under 4 hours. Those goals will have to wait until 2013 and I am ok with that…

I ran this race, Nike Women’s Marathon, back in 2009. It remains one of my favorite experiences. The Expo, the crowd, the course (San Fran), are all fantastic. Nike does a phenomemal job and I am looking forward to toeing the line, once again, for my 8th marathon!

ONWARD!