a potato story and a little more….

I used to feel very uncomforatble in taking up any space. I used to behave as though i didn’t “deserve” to take up any space or “have a voice at the table”.  I used to be extremely shy when people offered me things and of course, I never asked for anything.  A couple of examples for better illustration;

Back in early 1990’s, i lived in San Francisco with 2 great friends. Well, one already great friend, Alec, and another person who grew to be my best friend,  Holly. Holly had just moved in with us. While she and I shared many commonalities, we also shared many differences. One difference was in the whole cooking arena. Me and my little self didn’t know how to cook and rarely ate at home unless it was something very simple. So, one day, Holly & I were in the kitchen and I was about to eat a simple baked potato I had made for myself. She, on the other hand, was making a huge pot of Jambalya. (She is from a small town outside of Baton Rouge, LA, so the girl knows how to cook some Jambalya! ) Here’s what was said in kitchen.

Holly: If you wanna wait, this Jambalaya is gonna be ready in just a bit”

Me: (feeling all awkward & uncomfortable), “oh…um…no, I’m just gonna eat my potato”

She looked at me incredulously. Why the hell would someone chose to eat a baked potato vs homemade Jambalaya? Well, what she didn’t know then was how much I DID want the Jambalaya, but I was so queasy about accepting the offer that I simply could not do it.

Present Day – When I go to her house, I practically beg her to cook for me, we eat off each others plates and often crack up at the potato story.

Other examples of how i didn’t feel comfortable taking up space are simply those many times I have been with mutiple people at dinner tables or work functions or anything where people are gathered and sharing ideas. I would often remain quiet..very quiet because I always felt what I had to say was so trivial and stupid. And when I did speak up, i often felt like people just looked at me and when i was finished, simply moved on with their conversation. So…that did not help to give me confidence.  I felt invisible. I felt ridiculous for even being there…

Fast Forward to present day..this past Friday,  I was invited to lunch by some managers in my office. They wanted to take me to lunch and get my ideas on work stuff. So, here I am, at a table with 4 men, who wanted my input. Not only was I more than happy to give my input, but i felt totally comfortable and like i totally belonged right there at that table.

I bring these things up because as i was sitting yesterday morning  being quiet and reflecting, i had these realizations of how much I have grown over the years. And it feels freaking awesome. The whole feeling like i belong…..i didn’t even think about it at the lunch meeting. It was a non-issue. I only thought about it upon reflection. How great is that!

And now, here I am, totally putting myself out there to people, to companies, as I prepare for this epic birthday run. Asking for support…wanting to share a story so deeply personal…but wanting to share because I hope to have impact…to inspire….if i can inspire just 1 person, my life is valuable. period. If i can inspire 1 person to take a risk, to push themselves just a litte more, my life is valuable. period. If i can help to fill bags for children who have so little, my life is valuable. period.

Thank you for being a part of this journey. You make it worthwhile.

And now a few pics from the weekend runs;  bridge along Silver Comet Trail –

One of my favorite sections of trail…so dark because of all the lush green overhang…

Little Tunnel…

It was a bit humid…

A pretty good week capped off with Sunday double of 14 miles in a.m. and 4 in p.m. Drank some Coconut Water for first time. Not the greatest tasting drink, but it sure did help w/ replenishment. For those who don’t already know, coconut water is the purest form of electrolyte replacement. Go get yours!

Getting more and more excited about the birthday run. Have lots of ideas and will be sharing more info and details as I get some things up and running, so to speak.

Train hard. Train Smart. Push beyond what you think you are capable of…FIND OUT!!!

sunday

“I believe life is constantly testing us for our level of commitment, and life’s greatest rewards are reserved for those who demonstrate a never-ending commitment to act until they achieve. This level of resolve can move mountains, but it must be constant and consistent. As simplistic as this may sound, it is still the common denominator separating those who live their dreams from those who live in regret.” – ANON

Great running yesterday. Woke up at 530am and started at 7am at Silver Comet Trail. Ran a solid 8 miles. Absolutely drenched afterwards. Rested. Ate. Went to office for a bit. Rested. Ate. Ran another 3.5 miles on treadmill in the evening.

Loving my Vegetarian, Semi-Vegan nutrition. Why SEMI-Vegan? Cause I just am not willing to forego half-n-half in the java.

Stay positive. Stay Strong. Stay active.

Oh yeah…i think i need a new pair of running shoes. K-Swiss, baby!

blessings in disguise ?

So, if you have been following, you know how I have been feeling. No kidding, i really felt like I was done with the race training that Sunday Sept 20th. I was fed up, bummed out, pissed off, and somewhat confused. I tried to just let it all go for the rest of the day (not so easy when there are not many distractions). I also tried not to get too down on myself and not try to figure out the answers. Reading your posts DID help, so THANK YOU, fellow readers.

I just kinda let go for last Monday and figured I would see how Tuesday went. Tuesday came and I felt like running. So, I did. And had a good time. A good 5 miles with no expectations. Wednesday came and it was a repeat; another good 5 miles. Just kinda enjoyed it. Thursday swung around and i just did a little 3.1 on treadmill. By this time, I knew I would try again for a longer run on weekend so I didn’t want to push too hard.

All week long, I was in much better spirits. There were a couple of weeks there where it seemed like all I was hearing about was DEATH or those NEAR DEATH. Nobody directly in my life, but it still has an effect on me. And it was a bunch of news all together. For me, I am not one of those people who need to hear about death to start living or to do all those things you don’t do or say until someone dies. I really do try to live like that all the time. The losses I experienced in my early years taught me that…So, hearing about death now doesn’t strike me in such ways. I feel most struck by it in just the finality of it all. The true loss of life. The loss of breath. The loss of smiles. It becomes so heavy, ya know. And so, all that heaviness was weighing on me and i think some of my “disaster” run that Sunday was in part due to that heaviness.

And, nothing like a good ‘ole birthday to bring some levity. I turned a whopping 39 years last Friday! Who-Hoo! And you know, I feel damn good about those years… they have been characterized by many things both extremely heavy and wonderfully light and I am just glad to still be here. Glad to still have my fingers and toes. Glad to still have my sight, my hearing, my vision. Glad to still have a strong, beating heart.

The weekend came and I ran a short 5 on Saturday. Nothing too noteworthy there. Sunday was the big day. I went to the comet and started at zero mile marker and headed west. The temperature was perfect. Low-mid 60’s with a small breeze. The remnants of some earlier rain had left the trail wet in some spots, peppered with a few fallen leaves. The smells were fresh and delicious. I had to stop by iPOD every now and again just to be with it all…to hear the organic sounds around me. I was very surprised at how i felt, physically. It’s almost as if i was expecting my body to quit or really hurt with each passing mile. But, it really didn’t. I was pretty focused and felt strong. Sometimes my back will feel tired or my quads will feel heavy, but not this time. It really wasn’t until mile 15 when my hip flexors started to hurt some. I actually think i could have pushed for more miles, but during the final mile, i got a terrible know in my stomach. I think it was all related to my intake of gels. Sometimes, i think it might be a too much sugar thing. i am not sure, but it goes away pretty quickly. Nonetheless, still finished 16.25 and felt great. So relieved. So much happier.

I am glad. I am thankful. To be here for another day. To have had a better run. To be able to open my mouth and taste life. TASTE LIFE peeps. TASTE LIFE.

September 27: 16.25 miles – Silver Comet

September 26: 5 miles – outside

September 24: 3.1 miles – treadmill

September 23: 5 miles – outside

September 22: 5 miles – outside

oh, yeah. here are the recent mile #’s

Aug 9: 12 miles – Silver Comet Trail w/ Jeff
Aug 8: 5 miles – outside, hills
Aug 6: 4.6 miles – outside, hills
Aug 5: 3.5 miles – treadmill w/ incline
Aug 4: 4 miles – Silver Comet w/ Jeff

Week total = 29.1
I gotta keep increasing it. Still a bit behind schedule. Still, a good week.

“It’s not where you’re from; it’s where you’re going. It’s not what you drive; it’s what drives you. It’s not what’s on you; it’s what’s in you. It’s not what you think; it’s what you know.”
—Gatorade commercial

inching higher

Whew! a much better week of running! Tuesday did something different and drove to meet jeff @ silver comet trail. going during week means after work, in rush hour traffic. well worth it. we ran a “fast” 4 in 90 degree heat. felt great!! so glad to have my buddy there to push me! thanks, jeffro!!
Wednesday was treadmill run w/ incline intervals at increasing speeds.
Thursday was outside again in some HEAT. It typically gets very hot in Atlanta in August and the trend continues. You may think “what is the big shock” being that it is summer, but lemme tell ya, it had not been ALL THAT hot here until recently. Did Thursday run through Emory University area, Druid Hills. So beautiful. 2nd time recently I have run through the campus; makes me wanna go back to school for a few minutes and be a student again…carrying my backpack, studying in libraries, being w/ other students and hashing over some tough material…only for a few minutes, then….the moments passes.
Beautiful campus. Quiet right now. Feels very scholarly. Anyways, good week-day runs and then the weekend came.
As has been the case for a while now, difficult for me to get up early on saturdays. Even with the knowing I will face hotter conditions, I just cannot get my ass outta bed earlier. So, I suffer. Suffered nicely for 5 miles thru Ansley, Midtown, Piedmont Park. Hadn’t run over there in a while. Missed it. Ansley – another gorgeous neighborhood. Wider streets, stunning older homes, impeccable gardens, etc.. From the first step til my last, there was absolutely NO relief. Felt like a wet oven right on my face. Very happy when it was completed. Felt like i “conquered” something..if even for a few minutes!
Sunday: Jeff and I decided when we were together earlier in week that we would go further out on Silver Comet Trail, just because. Rushed outta bed at 6:20am to meet him by 7am. Luckily, we were both a bit late. We had all our stuff; water paks, ice, gels. We drove to approx 20 mile marker of trail and headed west. Amazing how much less populated this portion of trail was….no other runners, only cyclists. It was just as beautiful as the other sections I have been on. Very peaceful. Lush. And it seemed like the trail could just go on and on forever. We started just before 8am and it was already Hot/Humid and it just kept rising. We didn’t talk as much as usual, which was fine with me…i think we were conserving our energy! We had aimed for 13, but at the 12 mile mark i stopped and jeff followed suit. I wasn’t in any real pain, I was just VERY tired and I didn’t want to keep running that last mile and have it be a shitty mile. Our pace was solid at 10:15/mile. perfect for a long run. It was a good change of scenery and good to have my buddy with me. After changing clothes and sitting for few minutes, we found an IHOP and devoured some pretty good breakfast! Here are some before and after pics.

Happy and Raring to Go!

why did u make me run that far?

damn, I am tired!

What? I’ve been running! I ain’t no slacker…

“You don’t need a reason – you need a road. Believe in the run.” Nike Ad

July 24: 3 miles – treadmill
July 22: 4 miles – treadmill – tempo run
July 21: 3.34 miles – outside, hills
July 19: 10 miles – Silver Comet w/ jeff
July 18: 5.5 miles – outside, hills
July 16: 3.1 miles AM; 2.2 miles PM – massage
July 14: 3.50 miles – treadmill

Overall, the training is going ok. I am, however, getting the familiar feeling of noticing it becomes increasingly more difficult to fit all the miles in….you know, with the rest of life. And i really don’t do much else besides work! LOL! But, yeah, overall…going well. This past Monday, which was a rest day, i felt good after the weekly total. Both weekend runs were done at good paces. I was happy to have Jeff eith me on Sunday because i could have easily seen myself splitting that run into 2 had I been alone. So, good to get all 10 done in one fell swoop! THANKS, JEFF!
What is different about this training segment is that I am really trying to be much more deliberate in EACH run. Not going out simply to “get the miles in”, but to be more conscious of what is the purpose and goal of each time out. Trying to much more “pace specific”. And as such, i think i will have to adjust my initial lofty goal of 4 hours. 4 hours is a 9:09 pace/mile. I am not confident right now that i can maintain that pace. It’s still early. I’ve got what, 12 weeks til race day. I’m not giving up on the 4 hour goal by any means; but I am assessing. Important.
I’m back to getting massages every other week which has been incredible. I have a wonderful, strong massage therapist! YAY!
Oh…and yeah, i am thinking of getting another new pair of shoes. Probably another pair of the K-SWISS K-Ona’s in a different color. Awesome shoes.

Thanks for following. Train Hard, Train Smart. CHEERS!

A recent shot; i like the shadows

My “Renegade” race and more

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The above photo was taken after I finished my “renegade” race on Saturday. There’s me with my running shoes still on and my new very girlie bike shoes on display. (those bike shoes are a whole other post)

So, why RENEGADE?

Well, on Thursday when i got to my office, I had a voicemail from the race people for the duathlon. They informed me they cancelled and re-scheduled the race due to “weather”. Um. Okay…I looked at the forecast for their area which is about 1 hour NW of Atlanta. Saturday called for some intermittent t-storms. Whatever. I was disappointed, of course, cause i was really looking forward to competing and seeing how I would fare. My thoughts immediately went to “what will i do instead? will i run another 5k race and try to run faster than the one last week or should i just do the Duathlon on my own?” So, I decided to do the latter.

Of course, nothing is like race day and the anxiousness and excitement that run through your blood. So, waking up and getting ready was a bit different. very low key. I decided to go to Silver Comet Trail since that is the one place where one can go without many interruptions.

As soon as I got going on the first leg, the 5k run, I felt like i was in race mode. My pace was fast and my heart rate was getting up there. I knew it was too fast too soon. First mile was 8:30. The good thing was that I felt very focused. The bad thing was that i felt really hyped up. By nearly the 2 mile mark, i actually just walked for about 30 seconds just to try to get my HR down. It worked. My legs actually felt kinda heavy from the get-go and I wanted to have a good ride. This multi-sport stuff requires my planning and strategy and I have a ton to learn. I was done with 5k leg with a 9:00/pace, exactly what I had wanted. Now time to get on bike.

This was only the second ride I have done with clip less pedals. Can you believe it? All this time, i have been riding with regular pedals. Man, what a difference! The trail has a few intersections where you do have to wait for any crossing traffic, but other than that, it is pretty easy riding. I felt like I was working hard though. I felt like my body just wasn’t quite awake yet or quite loose enough. However, I still had a good time and felt like i did try to challenge myself. It was gorgeous out there and very peaceful even though there were quite a few people out exercising. The actual race distance was to be 13.02 miles. I ended up riding 12.83 miles in 49 min. I hopped off my bike and actually just left it out by my car and put my running shoes back on and did the final 1k sprint. The 1k was done in 4:59. 

So in Summary

5k = 27:50/8:59 pace

12.83 bike = 49 min

1k = 4:59/8:01 pace

All in all, I was happy with it and felt like I did push myself even though it was not a “real” race. I think i am going to look to go on some organized bike rides because I have no way to judge myself and see how I am doing. 

Here is a photo of me as I lay on my back in the parking area of the trailhead. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Today, Sunday, i was planning to take a rest day. However, when I woke up and saw what a gorgeous day it was, I just could not stay away. Ran an easy 4 miles. Felt good. 

Now regarding the detoxing: friday night, i treated myself out to dinner and had Ally, the bartender, chose a wine for me. Something light-bodied was all I had said. She served me a glass of Bliss Pinot Noir. How’s that for a good serving. My first sip of alcohol in ten days. Went nice with my pasta and brussels sprouts. 

Last night, I had about 1/2 cup of low-fat vanilla frozen yogurt & today, i had the same yogurt mixed into a coffee/banana/protein smoothie. At this point, I feel good for my restraint and I think I have cleared out the all-too-fast grabs for unhealthy stuff, namely the junk. I am still gonna try to to “be good” but sooner or later, I know I will crack and get the damn chewy, chunky, chocolate chip cookie! 

Cheers to All!

inching along…

The weather this weekend in Atlanta could not have been more stunningly perfect! About 80-85 both saturday & sunday. no humidity. clear, blue skies. HEAVENLY! AHHHHHH!!! 

I really wanted to go see 2 movies this weekend, but the weather changed my mind. I just could not be enticed to be inside to watch a film, no matter how much i want to see the films. They will just have to wait. 

After dining out tonight, i drove home very leisurely. I love to drive slowly thru beautiful neighborhoods on Sunday evenings. My car windows are rolled down and the sun is about 1 hour away from setting. It’s all quiet on the streets and i feel serene & thoughtful. The trees are getting very full & green, making the scenery all the more beautiful. AHHHH…..a nice way to end the weekend.

Saturday, got out for a good, slow 6 miler. Ran through my old neighborhood. My current neighborhood is not very conducive to running and so I prefer to start and finish other places. My old neighborhood is a great place to run. Finished up about half mile from where i parked so that i could just walk a bit. Ended up talking to a couple who were out walking their pup. Always cool to strike up conversations with strangers. 

Sunday got up and drove over to Silver Comet Trail. had just planned on biking, but was so amped up, I ran too! I was glad to get out there and away from city streets. I feel like i am getting stronger, overall, which is a good feeling. 

April 26: 16.55 mile BIKE, 1 hr 3 min; 2 mile RUN, 18:47 = 8:53 pace

April 25: 6.2 mile RUN, 1 hr 3 min = 10:09 pace

April 23: 5 miles BIKE-INDOOR, 17:10; 2.1 mile RUN-TREADMILL, 18:05, 8:37 pace

April 22: 10 mile BIKE – approx 37 min

I’m glad the race is coming soon. I wanna get out there!