Remembering Grams

I remember….walking with you to Safeway &  Longs Drugs store. We would often take your wiry shopping cart and head out along Park Blvd. We would pass our church, St Leanders, and sometimes stop in to light a candle for those you had lost. Being so young, I never thought I would later in life light candles for both you and mom. Surely you didn’t think you would light a candle for your daughter….

Did we talk along the way? I don’t remember conversations, i just remember me and you and our journeys together. It was like our time, our ritual.

I loved going into Longs Drugs with you. Those stores are now few and far between. Here, in Atlanta, we have stores called CVS and Walgreens. (In fact, Walgreen just bought Longs, so their name might be completely gone by now…sadly). Anyways, I just remember being in that store and going through the candy isle, the card isle, the shampoo isle…something about it was oh so comforting. If it was near the holiday time, you would pick up two of your holiday staple treats; a good sized can of Almond Roca and a tin of butter cookies. Ahhh….yum! Still, two of my favorite treats to have at ANY time.

You walked EVERYWHERE or took the bus, the BART. Eventually, you revealed that you didn’t know how to drive…never got your drivers license. You walked to your jobs…those where you cleaned and took care of women who were older than you. Sometimes you had to stay for the weekend and I would visit with you and help clean. I looked forward to it not only for the money you would share, but because it was something different to do and I got to see someone else’s house and how they lived. Since these were people who could not do a lot for themselves, I got the sense that their death was not too far away…and often times the odor of near death would hover in the air. Still. I didn’t mind being there with you. You always seemed to enjoy your job and your connection to those you took care of. Who knew that in a few short years you would be taking care of me…

After being released from the hospital, I went to live with you, yet still had to be in a hospital bed. There it was, front and center, in the living room. Where else would we put it? There was no more room!  We had lots of time to spend together now! I was supposed to have a school tutor since I was missing the beginning of my 7th grade school year, but many days, you and I called in “sick” for me. Hee Heee. I loved that. What did we do instead? Well, we watched Soap Operas, of course. Our favorite shows; All My Children and General Hospital. You would make me one of my favorite things to eat: a cheese quesadilla in a corn tortilla. Gooey cheese would explode on one end as i bit the other side. YUM.

Hard to remember what else we did all day while I was laid up in that bed for a month or so! I’m now in my 39th year so my memory is failing a little… There were days I remember you cooking up a storm. You would spend all day making a big pot of beans, spanish rice, tamales, enchiladas…I would help you “clean” the beans. Do you remember that, grams? Um….still have yet to have a single Tamale as good as yours!

You were a Folgers drinker. As loyal and as addicted as I am to Peets, you were to Folgers. Every morning, you would boil the water for your coffee and then put it into your little cup with a saucer. Who uses saucers? You would add a little milk, no sugar. Then you might look at some of your religious books you received in the mail or pay bills or just sit. Always at the kitchen table. I don’t think you ever sat anywhere else while sipping your coffee. Me? At my home desk, sitting on the carpet, the sofa.

Oh my gosh. You were a pack rat. You had all these piles of magazines and little books all over the place. I hate to say, THIS, I inherited from you. I am STILL trying to rid myself of this! I have boxes of newspaper articles from years ago…all sports related. Why do i keep them? I have piles of running magazines both in view and in boxes. Why? why? why? Well, if i tried to throw away any of your Sunset or Readers Digest mags, you would scold me and tell me even though you don’t look at them every day, there is something in them you might want to go back and read sometime. And there lies the answer. Damn you.

I’m happy to report that unlike you, I do not have a dresser top filled with bottles of lotions, perfumes, gobs of lipsticks, rouge, and anything else cosmetic related. Why did you have all that shit? I don’t think I EVER saw you wearing makeup!  Looking at your dresser made me crazy but also made me laugh. Even now!

You liked your beer. Olympia (no longer in existence), Coors. You liked your brandy. E&J. And sometimes, you liked your whiskey. Kesslers. Did you ever drink Margaritas? I’m sorry we never got to have a drink together. I would have liked that. Often times when you were into your whiskey you would start semi-dancing and babble on about god knows what….you would keep saying, “That’s a baba”. Cracked us all up. Never found out what that meant. You would never say…although now i think it was just something you made up you crazy lady.

As time passed, you aged. Before my eyes and between the distances of where we lived, you moved much slower, seldom walked and even seldom talked, I think. All I wanted was for you to stick around long enough to see me graduate from college. Do you remember me asking…er…TELLING you to stick around. “Grams…I’m gonna graduate soon. You gotta be there and you gotta dress sharp, ok.”

You were there. You saw me receive my college degree with high marks. I wanted you to be proud, grams. I doubt you had any idea what I was studying or received my degree in, but you knew I finished. I was so happy you made it to the ceremony. Thank you!

A month or so later, I came to visit you in your little apartment in Oakland. I was nervous. excited. nervous to tell you my news, but excited about my news. “Grams, I’m gonna be moving to Atlanta.”   You said, “That’s it then. I’ll never see you again.”  Well, you were wrong. You did see me again!

A few months later, I returned for my first visit and went to your door. It was unlocked and the TV was blaring. I walked in, walked in front of you sitting on the sofa. You smiled, gasped, and put your hand over your eyes….I was sooo happy to see you too, grams!

My next visit was also unexpected. On an late night in early September 2000, I got that call. Liz called and said, “grandma died.” I packed my bags and got on a plane to see you. Liz had told me you died in your sleep. I wondered what happened. I’ve come to my own conclusion that you were just done. Done with a very hard life. You were alone and so many of those close to you had already passed. Your life was a tough one. A life filled with failed marriages, kids who were in prison, a daughter who died and left you holding the bag with 4 grandkids, sisters and brothers who were junkies (even in their old age). I think you were just done. Even so, it was sad to lose you and heart-wrenching to plan your funeral service and finally, to bury you. At the cemetery, they opened mom’s grave because that is where you were to be buried also. What a strange sight that was to see. Her coffin in another box. Long gone. You were the one who bought the double plot. Did you have one of your “esp” moments and you just knew?

I’m sorry time didn’t accelerate quicker for me and slower for you. So many things I wanted to do with you; go to Las Vegas, take you on a cruise, take you to so many places you never got to see.

I’m sorry you didn’t get to see me run. You would be clapping so loud, grams. BUT,  you’d also probably be one of those folks who tell me running isn’t good for my knees, etc…and WE WOULD FIGHT ABOUT IT! HA!

I’m sorry you didn’t have the chance to see me in my professional life, my career. You’d probably be surprised at my chosen profession, but you would be proud and that’s all that matters. You knew. You knew I would not go by the wayside and do nothing with my life. Thank god! You seldom said it, but damn, I know you loved me. That was just your way. I get it now.

You were Mercedes on the record books, Mercy, to friends, and Tita to your brothers and sisters…Tita, spanish for small one.

To me, you were Grams. Always.

I love you, Grams. Happy Birthday.

more reflection from Nike SF Marathon

Just some numbers I’ve looked at recently – running miles by months

June 2009 = 79

July 2009 = 104

August 2009 = 128

September 2009 = 122

October 2009 = 77 (including marathon)

I was looking back at some numbers last time I ran a marathon which was in March 2007. I ran the ING Atlanta Marathon that day. That was my 5th marathon and I suffered. I had my worse finish time of 4:53. YIKES. I looked back at what my mileage was the 3 months prior to race and this is what i found:

December 2006 = 99

January 2007 = 117

February 2007 = 121

What surprises me when i compare the 2 training periods (a loose comparison) the 3 month total prior to Nike race was 354. The 3 month total prior to ING was 337. So, not much difference in the totals.

I’m not trying to figure out why there was such a vast difference in finish times as I pretty much already know the answer to that question, but it is all pretty interesting. Some of the big differences were the time of year for training. ING was in March, so i trained in winter into early spring. Maybe I spent too much time on treadmill. I can’t remember. For NIKE, I trained all through summer/heat/humidity and then some fall weather conditions. And then race day conditions were completely different. ING race day ended up being an incredibly hot day(unusual for march). There was not enough water on course and it was quite hilly. NIKE race day was some good ole’ San Francisco weather; high 50’s to start and probably never got above 65. Very few hills. Perfect. I think my performance was aided by something else; sheer enthusiasm for being back home. There is no way to calculate that, but it made a difference! I needed that race. I needed that race experience. I had to get the bad taste out of my mouth from the poor showing at ING. Ya know?! I needed it like sometimes you need to kiss someone so that last person you kissed isn’t the last person you kissed. Know what I mean? So, again, Thank you San Francisco, my city bay the bay.

Back in my office, people were interested to hear how it went. I am lucky to have good and enthusiastic support among my work folks. Just the other day one of my colleagues asked, “so, when’s your next race?”

Well. What’s next?

for today

You were not born a winner, and you were not born a loser. You are what you make yourself be. ~ Lou Holtz

let’s break it down

Alright, lemme break it down for you. First, let me mention that I trained the least for this marathon compared to all other 5 run before. What that basically means is that I logged less miles over the specific training cycle. Normally, I get in at least one 18 miler and one 20 miler before tapering. This time, my long run was 16.25 and I felt that this alone could really hurt my race outcome.

Heading into the final 2 weeks of the race I was run down, traveling, and basically feeling like I wasn’t even sure I would finish the darn race. So, I really did not know what to expect from my body. Mentally, I was feeling so much better than a month or so ago so i was super thrilled with that part, but physically I wasn’t sure what to expect.

As  you might have read though in the earlier post, when I woke up on race day, I KNEW I was ready and I knew I would have a good day. Here are the mile breakdowns:

Mile 1: 8:45

Mile 2: 9:43

Mile 3: 9:41

Mile 4: 10:03

Mile 5: 9:31

Mile 6: 10:23

Mile 7: 11:00

Mile 8: 9:23

Mile 9: 10:29

Mile 10: 10:26

Mile 11: 9:47

Mile 12: 10:04

Mile 13: 11:17

Mile 14: 9:46

Mile 15: 9:58

Mile 16: 10:00

Mile 17: 9:40

Mile 18: 10:32

Mile 19: 10:21

Mile 20: 10:05

Mile 21: 10:13

Mile 22: 9:54

Mile 23: 10:22

Mile 24: 10:10

Mile 25: 10:17

Mile 26 + .2 = 12:44

OK. Here is where it gets tricky on my “official” time. I was wearing my Garmin, which is where I got my mile splits from, however, i noticed my mile markers on Garmin did not match up with race mile markers. Usually not a big deal because often it is pretty close. But, it was not close this time. When I completed the race, my watch read: 26.61 miles, 4:28:01. So that is .4 more than official race of 26.2. When i looked at my watch for 26.2, I was at 4:24. My RACE CHIP time was 4:28:10. Hmmm…what to do? Well, considering my Garmin has been off before, but never by that far of distance, i’m gonna split the difference and say I finished in 4:26. How does that sound? Fair?

In my age group Female 35-39, there were 742 runners. I was #171 out of 742. Not bad.

I’m cool with it! Like I said, a few days before the race i wasn’t even sure i would be able to finish. Comparing this time of 4:26 to my best of 4:19 is interesting. I trained less and didn’t fare too much worse. I wonder what i could have done had I got more miles in….lots of info to consider going forward. I did notice that for rest of day and next day, I felt the best I had ever felt after a marathon. I wasn’t nearly as sore or as fatigued. And I almost want to whisper this, but it kinda “felt easy”. Maybe it’s because I was “home” and feeling so awesome and loved. Maybe it was because it wasn’t in the damn heat and humidity of the south. Maybe it was all the Peets coffee. Maybe it was the Pacific Ocean breeze. Maybe it was “Rocky” on the iPod. Or maybe…it was just one of those days.

Thanks for reading. Thanks for cheering. Thanks for the support. Means more than I can say!!

Cheers!

Race Reflections – Part III

I was lined up right in front of the St Francis Hotel on Powell Street. Looking up at the windows, i saw a few folks peeking outside their windows to us crazy folk down below. Boy, if you stayed there and DIDN’T know a marathon was gonna start right in front of your hotel, you were in for a shock!

At 7:10am, I was finally beginning my 6th marathon. Damn, it felt like this training period has gone on forever and I cannot express how relieved I was to FINALLY GET ON WITH IT!

Even though I was wearing my iPod, I didn’t turn it on for about 3 miles. I wanted to hear all the natural sounds around me; the fellow runners chatting, laughing, the footsteps beside me…

The course started in Union Square and did a zag zag pattern onto Montgomery St. (my old work place street) and over to the Embarcadero. This street(for those who don’t know) is just beside that Bay, so running along it you have great Bay views and Bay Bridge views. A cool, clear, SF morning. Nothing better! All flat so far.

Passed Pier 39/Fisherman’s Wharf and then the first “hill” (SMALL) as we went up and over to Fort Mason (bigger hill) and over to Chrissy Field. We were at about mile 6; lots of support there along the Marina Green! THX PEOPLE!!

Flat along Marina/Chrissy Field and then a nice steep hill up towards the Golden Gate Bridge. (did not go on bridge like regular SF marathon) This next part was probably my favorite. Basically these next 2-3 miles were small hills on the outskirts of The Presidio; wonderful Eucalyptus trees scented the now somewhat foggy area. Felt very refreshing. Pine trees and pine needles lines some of the damp roads. Very quiet and calm except for the often times heavy breathing of fellow runners. I gotta say that this course has a few hills, but NOTHING like I have trained on in Atlanta! These were EASY. (yes, I am thankful the course was not thru the MIDDLE of SF!!) Coming out of that area, we had a nice, steep descent that lead to the famous CLIFF HOUSE — gorgeous views of the Pacific Ocean as we approached the GREAT HIGHWAY.

Oh, how was i feeling? Feeling very solid at this point. Drinking water and had a gel and all was good. Next, we made our way into Golden Gate Park and I was getting excited to see Kim at mile 13! Right before that marker, the Half-Marathoners split off and did their own route and we did ours. Boy, there were a LOT of people running the HALF. Crowd definitely changed. Rolling into 13 Miler marker, I saw Kim from a distance there on the left hand side of street, wearing her North Face gray fleece and sunglasses. She brought me some peeled oranges! YAY! Needed them. Delighted to see her on her Birthday, I was the one in for a treat as she then ran about 1/4 mile with me….then called it quits! THANKS KIMMY FOR COMING!

Still in the park and made the turn to head DOWN the park (East Side). Mile 14 and there is my buddy, ALEC!! YAY! He took this pic, we hugged and I continued. So happy he was there!!

Mile 14

I was still feeling pretty good and I felt very focused and happy! Seeing friends definitely gave me a jolt! By the time we excited the park, we were at Mile 16. Now we were in for a stretch back on the Great Hwy (beside PACIFIC OCEAN) before heading over for a loop around Lake Merced. By Mile 17, I could see some of the water. Truly wonderful to see and be near the water again. I don’t need a fancy beach. Just give me water and some sand and a place to keep looking further and further and I am a happy girl. (please don’t ask why i live in a place where i am land locked!!) There was a SMALL breeze. Thank goodness because I know the route well and there can be some grueling winds out there!

Between 18-19 miles, right when I was beginning to hurt, we had a nice little climb over to the Lake. Then it was like another gradual uphill for about 1 mile. HMMM…perfect timing! My feet were hurting on their bottoms and my legs were getting heavy, but i wasn’t in too much pain. Again, I was really focused and i really tried to take in everything; the sights, the sounds; the aches as they came and stayed and came and went. I think I might have had a mental benefit from knowing the course since I have lived in SF in the past and spent much time running in the same areas. I basically knew what was coming. The loop around Lake Merced was kinda uneventful. The main memory was that at about mile 22, they were handing out Ghirardelli Chocolates. WTF? Not bananas or oranges or GELS, but CHOCOLATE! Sorry, I just cannot do that while running. Would have been a perfect place for any of those other things. Oh well….keep truckin’

Made our way back to the Great Hwy for the final 2.2 miles back to the finish line. At this point, my mind started to turn to thoughts like, “wow, I’ve been out here a long time. wow, another marathon. I did it. I’m gonna do it. is it really almost over?”

As I looked to my right, i could see those runners just making their trek towards the Lake. I was on miles 24-25 and they were on miles 17-18. Watching them, I had so much respect. Who knows when they would finish. But, it didn’t matter. They were out there! They were doing it. If the marathon requires anything above all us, it is GUTS. And those people have it. Anyone who gets on that starting line has it.

Now I was onto my last mile. i tried to pick up the pace as much as i could….legs were heavy and my back was getting tired. As I neared the finish line, I shut off the iPod again and just listened. The crowd grew thicker and thicker as I approached..all those spectators cheering on THEIR person for THEIR reason. I saw the finish line banner, ran a little faster, pumped my fists, and crossed the finish line. Because I am able. Because I can. Because the desire burns. Because….

Final Stats to follow

Race Reflections – Part II

Can you find my name?

Race day wake-up call at 5:30am. I promptly changed out of PJs and into some other clothes and went into the downstairs hotel lobby for some coffee. Good Coffee. Came back up to my room, opened the curtains and looked out at the stunning clear morning in San Francisco. All was dark still except for the flickering lights out in the streets and those i could see from the Bay Bridge. It seemed so serene and so romantic at the same time. (in fact, i would definitely describe SF as a romantic city).

I sipped my coffee and chowed down on my Clif bar. My body was awake and I knew i was ready. It’s funny how that is…the KNOWING. More often than not, even before I take the first steps of a race, I just know if it’s going to be a good day for me. I don’t get this feeling at any other time. Just on race day. And on Sunday between 5:30-6:00am, I knew.

I looked online a bit, read the newspaper a bit and finally it was time to put the shorts and shoes on and get out the door. I had my iPod, 2 gels, and those Luna things i mentioned in previous post. I was a little worried about not having more gels because i knew there wouldn’t be more on the course. It still baffles me how they didn’t have any. Oh well, i figured i would grab whatever there was while..as long as it wasn’t anything too different.

I made the quick walk over to Union Square and found the place to line up. Again, the place was ELECTRIC. TONS AND TONS OF WOMEN and a few men. Looking around, I saw smiling, excited, exuberant faces. I saw young, old, asian, white, black, latina, tall, short, thin, pudgy…women of all shapes, sizes, etc… AWESOME….all standing around just waiting for the clock to tick, for the opportunity to pass GO!

I stood there and while I ran, I kept thinking that everyone was out there for their own reason. While watching some of the fellow women near me, I saw their faces; some with pained expressions, others just simply focused and I felt so proud to be out there and in their company. I felt like i wanted to give everyone a HIGH-FIVE or a PAT ON THE BACK!

While participating in a race, especially a marathon, one is truly taking on something big. There’s not a whole lot of thought that goes into running a 5k, but when you sign up and commit yourself to the marathon training, you are definitely in for an amazing journey. That journey is long, grueling, demanding, and very solitary, no matter if you train with a group or not. At the end of the day, YOU have to put one foot in front of the other, YOU have to keep going when your legs start to cramp, YOU have to keep climbing that damn hill that seems like it has no end in sight. And so, yeah, I looked around and wondered about what some of those reasons were of those mighty women surrounding me and my own reason…

pre-race thoughts

This is just the first part of the race experience. Saturday morning I went over to the Nike SF Womens Marathon Expo which took place in Union Square. This was about a 5 minute walk from my hotel. Perfect! The streets were already abuzz with a ton of people going all over the place. On a morning like like this one, where there the masses where out and about, it was hard to feel like we still are in a recession. I felt the same way in NYC.

I went into actual expo tent and got my bag, bib# and other stuff they toss in there. Unfortunately, there was no real good race “Schwag” stuff. I was REALLY surprised they didn’t have any gels except for some Luna Gels of some kind. Kinda like Clif Shot Bloks. I would spend some of the afternoon looking for gels which are extremely hard to find in downtown SF. Before I left expo i found out that if you wanted to take a shuttle from the finish back to the start location, the price was $10. WTF? I have NEVER paid for race transportation before. I thought THAT SUCKED. Nevertheless, I reluctantly handed over my $10 and got a sticker on my bid that was “proof” to be allowed on the shuttle. Oh well.

I crossed the street and went over to NIKETOWN! WOW. Absolute madness! 4 floors, at least, of excited and crazed women checking out all the race clothing, gear, etc.. I was truly bummed that I didn’t like any of the clothing. Everything had the same logo and print on it whether it was a shirt/sweatshirt/hoodie/cap etc..and this included a logo/print w/ FLOWERS on it. Now I have nothing against flowers, but in case you haven’t already figured, I’m not really a floral print kind of girl! I was disappointed because I wanted an article of clothing beyond the Race official tee. Oh well. Moving on. Needless to say, the atmosphere was truly ELECTRIC! It was a beautiful clear day and everyone was smiling, taking photos, and getting ready for their big adventure.

Outside of Niketown, on one of the walls of the building, there was something like a wrap/mural. It was actually part of the wall and it had the names of all the race participants. How freaking cool is that? People were looking for their names and taking subsequent photos. I found mine and have a pic to post later. I cannot post any pics from my camera until i get home and upload them. I thought this wall “mural” was fabulous! Nike does it again! That made up for me not too enthralled with the clothing part!

Believe it or not, I was still not feeling to well. I kept taking the Emergen-C, took a nap and later met up with 2 wonderful friends for dinner. We ate at a one of our favorite neighborhood joints(in Potrero Hill) called Aperto. A wonderful evening filled with lots of laughter. Isn’t it wonderful when you can re-connect with friends you haven’t see in ages and it’s like no time has passed?!

Stay Tuned. Race details tomorrow!

status update

hey all. made it to SF yesterday after long week in NJ for work. Been feeling run down and worn out and on verge of sickness for about 2 weeks. EXACTLY how i want to feel before race day tomorrow. LOL

I’m just taking it all in stride. I’m actually in great spirits…being here in my hometown, seeing friends and just glad to finally get to the starting line! Feels like i’ve been writing about this training period FOREVER! I’m gonna drive some of the course today even though i know the route. Also gonna go to the expo and get all my stuff! Hope they have some good SCHWAG. What’s a race without it, right? Weather is gorgeous. Clear as can be today and yesterday!

I know I will have to push tomorrow. I’m ready to do it!

 

CHEERS!

central park & office park(s)

haven’t had too much time or energy to write. on some whirlwind days right now and will continue to be up until race day this coming sunday. i am trying to take as good of care of my body as i can.  work/travel stuff going on. good, but taxing, ya know.

had a good week last week. obviously, shorter runs as race day approaches. arrived in NYC on saturday, checked into hotel, and went for a 7.6 mile run through central park & back to hotel. was a gorgeous fall afternoon; a scattering of changing leaves sprinkled throughout the park, a slight breeze now and then whenever my direction headed south or southwest, an array of people from various ethnicities doing a variety of activities; running, walking, skating, cycling, some walking just for pleasure, others for the sole purpose of a workout, kids playing in their designated areas, soccer games in session….LIFE in NYC on a FALL saturday. what a pleasure it was to be able to run there. My first time.

Decided to sleep in on Sunday and ran in the early evening after i checked into hotel in new jersey. my hotel is situated in an area flush with office parks and streets w/ no sidewalks. I slipped my iPOD on and headed out for an easy 5.4 miles. Flat as can be. After being in the heightened frenzy of the city, it was actually really nice to be where i was and run on a very quiet sunday among a whole lotta nothing. Very good for clearing the head and being with the Self. I know you know what i’m talking about…

Today, Tuesday, ran another 4 in the office park area. My body is fighting off a bug. Taking Emergen-C and hoping to stay strong. Just get me to the starting line. Pretty excited about the race and running in the city by the bay, my hometown, San Francisco!

Stay Strong. Restore the Roar.

keep pushin’